A Rule Follower

One of the traits of being autistic for one to adhere to rules, orders, etc. For me in my over four years of independence, it has been a contentious point to not understand standard norms, however, I am realizing the necessity of doing what is necessary because they are meant for a reason.

I can hear mothers of autistics say how their children follow the orders and the understanding of things that they need to do to strive for independence. It gives me hope for them because I many times wish that I could wish that I could understand the importance of prioritizing my needs and not doing whatever I want because I want to, because I somehow think something is foolish or doesn’t need to be the way that it needs to be, as if I am the one that knows it all.

In reality, I have to understand the fact that I do not know everything that I need to do in my life. That is I go and see medical, mental health and other professionals so they advise and sometimes order things for me that help me be the best person I can be. It is also important that I need to be honest with them because they are being paid by my insurers to see that my needs are met and for me to be passive and just follow through the flow of operations does no service to anyone.

It can be tempting and thrilling to not follow societal norms because you want to prove to someone that you are better than that said norm, but when it is doing you a disservice by not providing you be optimal outcome to live the life that you deserve to live, regardless of what you feel or believe in, you have to do what is best, particularly if attention is called to you not being yourself as it was years ago for me. 

It is understanding that even though it may sound amazing to do what you think is cool and wild, it may not be the best for you and this is where you have to put on the trousers and do what is right for you, even if it isn’t what is fun, but is what is needed for the best outcome for you and everyone involved.

Not realizing that you need to do what is right for you only holds you back from growing more into the desired outcome that you need to have in order to live life to the fullest. It’s hard to grow up and do the adult thing sometimes. I sometimes still think some things are childish even though I know they are the right thing to do. I wish I could stop that silly behavior, it is getting better as time goes on, but it still presents its challenges. I just wish I didn’t buy into doing things that I know are not the wisest things to do, such as struggles that I continue to face years into my independence, I many times want the fight and battle to be over, I know it has to be in my mind to do what is right, even if that means manning up because it is something that is needed to be done in order to be well. 

Being autistic comes with its challenges but it can be hard to grasp the reality that what comes easy for some doesn’t come easy for others with similar conditions. Autism is a spectrum disorder and I do know that everyone experiences it in different ways, and in fact I knew that there were things that I still to this day know that are necessary for me to be well, yet, having a taste of independence brings temptation that makes going through the motions of life and adhering to what is necessary more challenging than what others experience. 

I know that I can conquer this if I put my mind to it, one day at a time, I will overcome the setback and do the right thing and be more rigid with following rules and orders too!

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