Last week, I had one of my providers that visits home arrive for our weekly appointment breathing heavily because he ran up the steps to my house for fear, I would be upset he did not arrive at the scheduled time. While as a child I did get upset if someone coming to my home to see me was a more than a minute late, that is no longer the case as I have built up the flexibility to understand that things don’t happen as they are planned.
Another amazing week is on the horizon and I am all set for the week. I say that I am all set for the week because everything in my habitat is neat and orderly. It is a stereotype that autistics are all obsessively compulsive about everything. While we do have fascination on the things we do enjoy, it is likely that we do not specifically have a fascination on the things we must complete in our daily lives.
As an autistic, it can be hard at times to maintain a positive outlook on life. Being independent can deter this greatly to the point that negativity brews until you have an outlet, specifically a person that supports you to vent this too. It can be a challenge for them to hear your constant rants of negativity time and time again. Therefore, it is essential to have a positive outlook on your life, come whatever circumstances one may experience.
Throughout my life I have experienced many bouts of anxiety when presented the opportunity when something different presents itself. Oftentimes it throws me into this catastrophic fear that something bad is going to happen, when in reality once I do it, I know that it is the best thing for me to do and that I will have a blast doing it.
As we know in the autism community, there’s that cliff when school years ends for someone. I have seen numerous youths be proud to make it to this point when they were given lesser expectations. So, what happens? We certainly know that those that care for them, particularly family members may or may not want to continue to provide care or be unaware of a sea that is unchartered for many to be the one that has to take the driver’s seat in providing their daily entertainment. For almost two decades, I personally relied on my mother to do this. She cares for me very much and I am very appreciated for her efforts. However, for a majority of my life, they have negative baggage that when she does something that is intended to help me, it only hurts her, and she kept coming back for more. While I am not proud of this in the past decade it has been reduced down to only verbal abuse, nonetheless it still isn’t right as both my parents are both in their retirement years and shouldn’t have to be constantly worrying about if I am safe or not, although I feel that will always be their instinct, as is any parent who spends their life dedicated to raising an autistic child.
In the three and a half decades in my life I have grown so much into a mature adult. I know that I need to ‘grow up’ as my therapist says because I haven’t dealt with the irrational fears and the brewing thoughts. The anger has been mostly subdued into a verbal form, but I know that there is room for improvement.
When one lives alone. A need often arises when one needs to shopping. To persons that are autistic or have several mental health challenges, this can become a struggle to do. As such when the willpower is not there, people will do with what they can by ordering take out or not eating at all. Part of adulting includes garnering up the courage to go to the store, purchase your items and bring them home and put them away.
For many autistics, the ability to make one’s decisions can be a difficult task for an autistic to perform. For the younger crowd, one that seems to lack the ability or show the interest of one doing this will result in the parent making these choices for them, which can result in friction between the autistic and their parents. An autistic should have the autonomy to be the person they so choose to be without judgement from their parents and supporters, yet have the support they need to thrive in their world.
We want nothing but a friendship out of it, but we must be mindful of where we lay our boundaries because we don’t want to become susceptible to become a victim of something that we in no way wanted to be a part of.
While some things because of my autism or mental health challenges are at times challenging, sometimes I need to experience them and not play the “card” as a crutch to get out of something. This can be difficult because when thinking independently, it can be hard to make these decisions.