Over the past few weeks, I am finally getting my life back on track after a long course of not doing what I needed to do to care for my mental health. Being in denial and playing games with my medicine in the course of nearly four and a half years, having a reality check and a really bad meltdown has made me recognize that doing what is right just makes sense.
Living with the challenges that I live with, it can be hard sometimes to understand that I need to show gratitude and appreciation to the people who go many times step up and do what I need them to aid me in having the life that I desire, often not because they have to, but because they want to see me thrive.
Somedays, it is hard to think about how much I have accomplished in my life and how far I have come on the journey of being an autistic person. If you had asked me nearly 20 years ago if I would have been where I was today, I would have laughed in your face and would have thought about just getting through life without a public meltdown.
Being autistic comes with its challenges that is for sure. But when you constantly have a behavior that seems to never go away and you continue to work on it, having it go away after years of doing it, can be painstakingly rough at times.
Being autistic and sometimes facing struggles in life, it can be hard to be resilient when the life we desire brings us down. Many times though, we just need to be given a different avenue to travel in order to succeed and be resilient.
As one who has had years of seeing things in a negative manner, it can many times be hard to see past the negative of a situation and allow my heart to be receptive to understanding that there are many good things in my life, although negative energy seems to always be at the forefront. I am slowly learning what to do in order to make the negative challenges more manageable for me.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a post on my platform about not being happy all the time. This stemmed from the fact that I have my moments as everyone does. But in hindsight, it made me realize that I needed to find things in my life that bring me happiness and joy.
It is hard to imagine three years ago that I was participating in my first Telehealth Psychotherapy session laying in my childhood bed in a room that was also my parents’ home study but temporarily my refuge from safety during a desolate situation that was exacerbated by the unknowns of the COVID-19 Pandemic, however I am now in a place where I am much better.
Sometimes we need a wake-up call to understand how life is and that you need to stop flirting with disaster and just do what is right for once. That was me a few weeks ago and while it was not one certain thing, these events have made me understand the importance of getting back and doing things that I need to do for myself.
Many times, I disregard the fact that I am a well-liked person and am often seen as an example of someone who faces their challenges. While I do my best, it is important to know that I too am not perfect and have my moments as well.
As I continue down the road of bettering myself and my journey continues, I am better understanding the value of being more optimistic about what the future can like for me instead of living in the gloom and doom that I have spent a majority of my life in.
After working to let go of what was over the past few weeks, I am beginning to learn to accept that I need to be thankful for where I am and that I am in a better place than the past. Although there were benefits to the past, the outcome now outweighs the struggles of the past.
A few weeks ago in my Reflections blog, I wrote about letting go of the past. And as time moves and others move on with life, it somehow seems that I cannot let the events of my past escape my mind and I continually think because they happened to me then, it is still that way and always will be.
Today is Valentine’s Day and for me I see very little value to it. While I am not the one to shoot down the fact that there is no love in the world. In fact it can be a very enjoyable thing. As Valentine’s Day is more about romance, as I lately discovered myself, it is something that I just have never seen in myself.
With the new developments in the new year, I have been reflecting deeply on where I was four years ago as the bottom was starting to fall out on my mental wellness. It reminds me that I never want to get to that point again, to try to strive better and advocate for change,
As we end the first month of 2023, it can be proven that I have been more regulated. This started in 2022 and was made steadfast in 2023. It has taken hard work on parts of me as a human being and a person with my challenges to understand life and how things finally work.
As I started 2023 a few weeks ago, I am working to be a better me. One of those things I did that I didn’t even know that I would be doing would be letting go of things that were bothering me and trying to focus on what I needed spiritual guidance on.
Sometimes in life as a person in general, we need to realize that we need to move on beyond the points that we think we can defend ground in a reason of why something should be. It has taken radical acceptance in many cases to understand that there are things that must be in life or that cannot be controlled by me to grasp reality in the present moment.
While understanding my own autism in recent months, I have begun to learn to be more accepting and understanding of the traits of my autistic peers. While there can be barriers in understanding how other autistics operate, it is something I realized that I needed to do to improve my relationship with the autistic community at-large.
Since the onset of social media, I am learning more and more about others from their experiences. It is knowing which sources are reliable and valid. Overall, it has made me know that I am not the only one that has traits or similarities in some ways to other autistics.
Dustin's Dynasty 