As we end the first month of 2023, it can be proven that I have been more regulated. This started in 2022 and was made steadfast in 2023. It has taken hard work on parts of me as a human being and a person with my challenges to understand life and how things finally work.
As I started 2023 a few weeks ago, I am working to be a better me. One of those things I did that I didn’t even know that I would be doing would be letting go of things that were bothering me and trying to focus on what I needed spiritual guidance on.
Sometimes in life as a person in general, we need to realize that we need to move on beyond the points that we think we can defend ground in a reason of why something should be. It has taken radical acceptance in many cases to understand that there are things that must be in life or that cannot be controlled by me to grasp reality in the present moment.
While understanding my own autism in recent months, I have begun to learn to be more accepting and understanding of the traits of my autistic peers. While there can be barriers in understanding how other autistics operate, it is something I realized that I needed to do to improve my relationship with the autistic community at-large.
Since the onset of social media, I am learning more and more about others from their experiences. It is knowing which sources are reliable and valid. Overall, it has made me know that I am not the only one that has traits or similarities in some ways to other autistics.
With today being the last Reflections Post of the Year, I find it necessary to give a wrap of the year and realize that I am in a better place at the end of this year compared to years past given a multitude of circumstances in my path. I am hoping to start 2023 much better.
To my loved ones throughout my life, I was often considered lazy. This continually-fed train of thought led me into the current chapter of my life thinking that until I learned about the amount of energy needed for me to endure the motions of the day.
In the past few weeks, I have witnessed the loss of many and the point has been made to not take anything for granted because we are not guaranteed it forever. It made me realize how I do not want to be robbed of any more time of my life from not taking care of my health.
For the majority of the past four years or so of living on my own, I have struggled with making encounters with my family positive. I was mostly trapped in a vacuum of thinking like I did when I lived with them because their reactions would trigger me to do so. This also traditionally left the last words I had during these visits be negative and I would regret my word choice.
Recently, while in the process of discovering what a better life is for me, understanding things and giving myself grace for the things I have endured over the years. I count my blessings of how lucky I am to be here and not be as damaged from my decline and rise above it
As I get back to where I left off on my journey and finally being happy in the journey as an independent autistic man, I am learning that the things that were the cause of me declining, hitting rock bottom and slowly bouncing back to where I am today had a great deal of what was I allowed my mind to believe.
Sometimes in an autistic person’s life there are times we don’t realize that we were the person we were and sometimes it can be hard to realize that others knew who you were all along. Also knowing that you were OK to be the person who you were meant to be all along is good and well too.
As autistics, we are more prone to being vulnerable and as a result can be victimized. We often seek validation from others in the way of being liked and appreciated for the things we do to and for ourselves and others and as a result, being led into vulnerable situations can result in being victimized.
Today marks the 25th month of living in my current home. It is something that I continue as I close on the second year of living here. My blessings and gratitudes of having more of my own life as we move into the better future and good times ahead.
Being an autistic person, doing something that you may not find of interest can be difficult to endure at times. However, there are times in life that we have to do what is asked of us because we do not always know when we will have the opportunity to do the same thing again.
Most of my life, I was never truly, genuinely happy. I often act as if I don’t deserve happiness in my life or that I have to continually point out something wrong in my life to complain or gripe about, however to many I can point out many things to be thankful for. It is like this weird state of feeling that never seems to go away.
As I am becoming more stable as an independent autistic adult, I am realizing that I am being given more freedoms that for so long that I never felt that I had. Being under my parents’ house for the majority of 3.5 decades and now having the ability to make adult decisions seems surreal and at times hard to realize that I am indeed allowed to make my own decisions.
A week ago today, it was national son’s day. My mother posted to Facebook a post saying how proud she was of me. At that moment in time, I was feeling really down on myself about the things I have put her through and how could she be proud of me? Her being optimistic and a part of her life makes me realize how much more I need to value her for our relationship.
As fall arrives, in the housing complex I arrive in is usually an overall maintenance inspection of the property and this year was no different. As I traditionally have the past two years, I asked my mother to aid in getting the apartment ready for inspection. As I have improved in my skills since last year, I have also had a better allowance of letting her into my home.
As I concluded in this week’s Reflections post, autistics across the spectrum are enduring things that seem like we are at times reversing the clock from where we have come back to the way things were. I used to be in what was the dark ages and have been through so much prior to and… Continue reading The Great Regression