For many years my relationship with being healthy has been quite skewed. I understood that I had a bad relationship with it, but it never registered and I punished myself again and again for the behaviors/relationship without understanding that I needed to improve it.
It is hard to imagine three years ago that I was participating in my first Telehealth Psychotherapy session laying in my childhood bed in a room that was also my parents’ home study but temporarily my refuge from safety during a desolate situation that was exacerbated by the unknowns of the COVID-19 Pandemic, however I am now in a place where I am much better.
(CW/TW: Death, Suicidal Ideation) I fell a little off course last week, and while I could make a million excuses why I couldn’t do something like go to the gym, I knew I had to get up and go.
In recent weeks, with the systems and the world resuming some state of normalcy in my neck of the woods, I have also gotten back to some sense of normalcy and understand more that with adulting comes the importance of having a routine, regimen and ultimately a purpose.
Sometimes as autistics we have to recognize that we are only causing our own damage because what we are thinking is in our head. Sometimes we have to be told the truth and while it can hurt, it can sometimes be the best thing we hear because we are thinking it but don’t want to accept it.
Finally, I am getting my head after years in the sand of denial.
Although things have gotten better with my medication regimen, they still happen. They’re just not as intense as they were, and I can get back by cognitively restructuring that thought to making our time better.
Sometimes we need a wake-up call to understand how life is and that you need to stop flirting with disaster and just do what is right for once. That was me a few weeks ago and while it was not one certain thing, these events have made me understand the importance of getting back and doing things that I need to do for myself.
Being an autistic adult in my late-thirties, it can be hard to realize just that. Oftentimes, I want to bring my challenges and concerns to the spotlight and make it all about me in a very immature kind of way as if I deserve to have the negative attention and others, especially those in my close circle deserve the anguish I lash out at them.
Last week, I had mentioned that the week before I switched to a more convenient gym closer to my home. Last week was also my first visit there and just making the first move makes me more inspired to get out and do what is needed to make the changes more constant in my life.
Many times, I disregard the fact that I am a well-liked person and am often seen as an example of someone who faces their challenges. While I do my best, it is important to know that I too am not perfect and have my moments as well.
One of the hardest things when it comes to living my life is having to do things that adults do. While these sometimes may have a more intensive degree of intensity for an autistic person, many times it just takes getting out the door, and getting off to a right start.
Tomorrow, I will celebrate 13 years of being employed at my current employer and while 13 seems like a superstitious number, I am proud of that number as I know I am lucky to be able to reach this milestone.
As a fellow advocate says, life ebbs and flows. Many times when we are at our worst it can be difficult to see the positive in a situation. It can be hard to get out of the loop of negativity sometimes, but with reassurance and constant reminding of why you need to keep going will help you on your way.
Being autistic, you constantly second guess yourself and whether you are doing the right thing. I am always wondering whether or not it was a “good move” to do something or not. But, when it is something that will have a little bit of an effect on you, then there is no harm in doing it.
As I continue down the road of bettering myself and my journey continues, I am better understanding the value of being more optimistic about what the future can like for me instead of living in the gloom and doom that I have spent a majority of my life in.
As an autistic person who spent a great deal of their adulthood living under the same roof as their parents, I was never able to have a sense of who I was without my parents having some involvement, however as I am spending time being independent, I am developing my own identity.
Being autistic there is a great deal about balancing what you can do versus what you cannot. However, there is a point that you have to realize that it is imperative to get up and get moving about because it is good for not only your physical health, but your mental health as well.
Not a word I think of often, but for me, I deeply know that I persevere through life’s challenges.
It is knowing that following through today’s motions and being the best that I can be, I am the better person, not running away from my problems. I know that I will be fine as I go through the motions.
Dustin's Dynasty 