If you noticed in my feature blog last week, I titled it “Why Can’t I just be happy for Once? It goes without saying that as soon as I wrote that post, I began to feel better about myself and have a whole different outlook on life as a result of seeing life in a different way.
With routine comes patterns. Patterns become traps. Traps of the cycle revolving.
I am human. I am, not perfect.
I fought the battle...and I won!
Novrmber 13, 2022 - Three years from the day of a what I call a Nice Selfie in 2019, as I and the world was starting to crash.
Being two years in my current home this week and over four years from moving out of my parents home for the first time has certainly been a rollercoaster ride, that is for sure. It has been quite an experience and for once I seem to be slowing down, but when a minor setback arises, it can be easy to catastrophize it into not being well. Sometimes I need to see the whole scope of how far I have come in my journey, especially the past 2-3 years.
In my over 4 year journey of independence as an autistic adult, one of my constant struggles is the fact that I struggle with going to bed. This is further enhanced with the belief that because a medication helps me sleep, that it is what puts me into a trance. This is something that was taken literally by me for the longest time and am now turning a corner for the better.
I now realize that this and other circumstances that have occurred with my housing situation this week have presented the need for me to be more cognizant of following my wellness regimen, particularly the need to be consistent with my medication to be able to follow my wellness regimen.
One of the traits of being autistic for one to adhere to rules, orders, etc. For me in my over four years of independence, it has been a contentious point to not understand standard norms, however, I am realizing the necessity of doing what is necessary because they are meant for a reason.
Excuses, Excuses, I know they help, yet I choose not to take part, What are they? Things for me ! I know that they help me, but I also know that when I choose not to do them that my life takes a downhill turn. I am realizing the importance of why things must be done in order to life the best life that I can and not get into that deep, dark place.
Last week, I had the opportunity to reflect on the last 2-3 years and how much of a roller coaster it has been, yet there have been several blessings that have saved me into being in the better spot that I am today.
In this current phase of self-discovery I am seriously beginning to close the door on the battles that I am discovering were within my headspace. I now chose to discontinue the battle that I was choosing to fight for nearly four years and take what I need to do seriously.
Being an autistic adult and knowing that after you try something and realizing that you are not ready to make that change on a consistent basis is something that can be hard to digest. It makes you feel guilty because you are being selfish, but then seeing all the things that happened over the past few years and even in the past few weeks makes me realize that it is Ok to accept that everything doesn’t go exactly to plan or fall back into place.
Last week, I realized that I was not equipped mentally to endure the challenges that I needed to face within a certain environment. It can be hard to take a step back and take care of myself, but recently, I have accepted needing to do so in order to protect myself and others from myself experiencing adverse actions that could affect everyone in the end.
Sharing my thoughts before settling in for the night and the struggle I have faced for many evenings over the past four years while trying to make it the past.
One of the struggles I've had being Independent. Medication Management Whenever I get it, I get it. Everyone enjoys me and I can manage life. I know medication is not for everyone. But for me, it's a life saver. It means I can function and be some kind of normal. It also means that it… Continue reading Medication Management