It is often said that autistics are easily influenced. While that may be the case for many, it is not in all. Sadly, for many autistics, they don’t get to have much of an external feel of what is outside of their safe space. I also know of many autistics because of where they lie within the spectrum are unable to do so.
In last week’s adulting blog, I discussed being independent and having the ability to make your own choices and own them without feeling invalid. This week, while accepting more boundaries for myself made me understand that I, along with anyone else autistic or neurotypical, have rights for themselves. One of the struggles that I see in many autistics, including myself, is that of consent.
When an autistic adult makes that big leap into independence. They are oftentimes away from the cusp of their very guarding parents, however some can still remain a close bond. The circumstances for this can remain very complex and as a result can make the ability for the autistic person to feel at ease about making decisions that they can feel comfortable or that they know is in their best interest, despite their close supporters objecting to their choices.
This week I found a post on the social media platforms for the Hiki app, an online dating and friendship app for the autism community. This topic was requested by one of their users because they too struggle with boundaries. Boundaries can be difficult to define and build, but once you do, you will feel better physically and mentally.
As we know, autism is a spectrum disorder. We as autistics are unique in our very own ways, each and every one of us. No one can change that, nor should we be forced to do so. We as autistics, just as neurotypical human beings should have the freedom have the individuality that we so choose as long as our safety and well-being is kept in mind.
Being independent for almost three years has taught me some life lessons in being independent. I have done some things in that time I haven’t been proud of and there’s things I’ve not succeeded at. However, it is a learning curve and within time it gets better. There’s this great thing called boundaries that you have to develop that can be a challenge. Once you learn the power of it and knowing when to stand your ground, it is a wonderful thing.
For many autistics, the ability to make one’s decisions can be a difficult task for an autistic to perform. For the younger crowd, one that seems to lack the ability or show the interest of one doing this will result in the parent making these choices for them, which can result in friction between the autistic and their parents. An autistic should have the autonomy to be the person they so choose to be without judgement from their parents and supporters, yet have the support they need to thrive in their world.
Yesterday, I had an epiphany. While I WANT to adult, I HAVE to put forth the effort to want and need the changes and the responsibilities of being an adult. For the majority of my adulthood, I have shied away from issues in life because they may require me to put my “big boy pants” on and fight them. Oftentimes, for me, anxiety is a big player in the game of adulting that really isn’t a game, because I just revert back to my immature self and refuse to deal with the issues at hand, because I personally know they are going to be unpleasant and scary for me to tackle.
This quick Kindle read takes the reader on the course of a young man who battles his autistic desires for the feel the female skin, but receives many shortcomings based on the inability to know the social construct that becomes unknown to many on the autism spectrum face. The author also explains him being homophobically bullied because he did not associate with a female aquantience in school growing up and the trauma it caused.
A Book Review the Book: Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism by Eva A. Mendes (Author), Meredith R. Maroney (Author), Wenn Lawson (Foreword)
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