In recent weeks, with the systems and the world resuming some state of normalcy in my neck of the woods, I have also gotten back to some sense of normalcy and understand more that with adulting comes the importance of having a routine, regimen and ultimately a purpose.
Being an autistic adult in my late-thirties, it can be hard to realize just that. Oftentimes, I want to bring my challenges and concerns to the spotlight and make it all about me in a very immature kind of way as if I deserve to have the negative attention and others, especially those in my close circle deserve the anguish I lash out at them.
One of the hardest things when it comes to living my life is having to do things that adults do. While these sometimes may have a more intensive degree of intensity for an autistic person, many times it just takes getting out the door, and getting off to a right start.
A few weeks ago, while watching TV, I discovered the term deflection. It is a defense mechanism that people use to take the blame off of themselves. When they are deflecting, they are trying to make themselves feel less bad for their wrongdoings. This likely happens due to past experiences of being in trouble for things.
As I am learning more and more what is the culprit of my being autistic, I am learning that things that many neurotypicals consider as “normal tasks” like running errands for example, can be intensified because of being overloaded with excessive stimuli and other environs.
For a majority of my life I have had periods of ruminating thoughts enter my headspace. Like last week’s adulting blog post on Intrusive thoughts, the intrusive thoughts become ruminating thoughts when the “loop” over and over in your headspace non-stop.
Having the comorbidity of Anxiety alongside being autistic can provide many challenges for me. One of those challenges I constantly battle is intrusive thoughts. These thoughts often pop into my headspace without warning and at times loop very much to the point they bring me down.
Being an autistic adult, it can be hard to recognize that you have to know how you are regulating your mood. This can play a part in having a sense of it when having to interact with others and recognize when you need to take a break and take care of yourself before moving on.
I had always practiced what is known today as masking for autistic individuals before the term was coined in modern years. Bringing the term to light ensures that the reality of the issue as it relates to the day to day operations of an autistic person.
Being an adult means that there are obligations in life that must be endured. Whether or not, there are just some things in life that we as adults cannot get out of because of our need to be present for many purposes.
One of my biggest struggles that I have had in my time being on my own is when I have to “call it a night.” My brain is always flowing with ideas of things to do and see throughout the day and whether or not my body sometimes thinks it needs to shut down, I often want to fight my body and not shut down for the day.
One common trait of autism is the fact that many thrive off of routine and some can be very rigid to it as they can be to many things in life. While over the years I have been more flexible with my routine in many cases, it is what defines my day and keeps me going.
As any adult, there are responsibilities that must be endured if you want to survive. Granted, if you are autistic or have other challenges, they can be impossible or a struggle to do or complete. However, I had to learn in a hurry that being on my own comes with responsibility,
I am not surprised that I haven’t written about having a purpose as the topic for the weekly adulting post of my blog. Sometimes, you just have the epiphany to know about something that you just have to share it. Last week was one of those moments where I learned I need to have purpose in my life.
I am accepting and learning that in order to stop feeling so miserable about my life that I need to reframe former behaviors that I once had from happening in my life. It is no one’s fault for those behaviors, it was the fact that I valued them more than they needed to.
They say it takes 21 days to make a new habit stick to one’s routine. When you are autistic and are used to things always being the same and then being uprooted and it being a significant change, it can be difficult to adapt to significant change,
As I continue this journey of independence as an autistic adult, It can be frustrating for me to try my best to be an adult when others that have known me prior to my independence see me as the person of my past and continue to think of me as my past self.
When you move out of someone that takes care of all your needs, many times it requires you as an independent person to become responsible for being able to make sure every need you need to have met is met. Having additional challenges such as autism can make things like being independent realize the importance of following through with the things that you need to be responsible for on your own.
As the weather cools and the height of the pandemic season looms again, I know that I need to get back out into the community and be less of a hermit. Being isolated does not do well for me and it results in decline of the work that I have done in recent years.
As autistics, we are more prone to being vulnerable and as a result can be victimized. We often seek validation from others in the way of being liked and appreciated for the things we do to and for ourselves and others and as a result, being led into vulnerable situations can result in being victimized.
Dustin's Dynasty 