Recently, I experienced a challenging outing with my mother. In having that experience, I learned from her that we need to cherish the memories we can have while we are still able to have them before we can no longer experience them.
Throughout my adulthood, I have had experiences that if I didn’t wreak havoc on them, they would be amazing. However, there was always that holiday or outing because of my actions, negative thoughts or just plain wanting to do what I want or personal attention that resulted in the outing becoming a negative one. There was one a few weeks ago that through no fault of my own I chose to produce negative self-talk with my mother when there was absolutely no reason to. There was things that she wanted to do, but I wanted to make it all about me, how horrible I think that my life was and the majority of things that I chanted throughout the day that simply were not true. These feelings were produced by inattention to properly caring for myself in the way I need to and could have been prevented and it could have been an awesome start to a three day holiday weekend, yet it was another squashed outing at my expense.
Speaking of expenses, my mother was very grateful to me during this outing as she paid for my share of lunch and even purchased an item to finish a project that she is working on for me. Yet, I became the same old Dustin, keep wanting to make her want to pay me more attention, although she did plenty. She even offered to take me to get what I needed for the evening,yet I became bull headed and took my stance.
The next day, usually after I get a good night’s sleep as it is usually what I need when I relapse in this manner. I realized that many of the issues that arise between us occur when I am not properly caring for myself in the way that I want to and that I must nip it in the bud in order to enjoy the rest of time I can share with my family members, friends, etc. before the opportunity no longer presents itself to do so.
This is not a doomsday theory of thinking, rather it is a hard truth that many of us, myself have experienced over the past two years that is becoming reality. It becomes too late to reverse the things we said or did and the opportunities no longer present themselves in the ways that they once did. It has happened in my life years ago with family members as their health declined and I know I am fortunate to have both my parents as able and active as they are, that is never guaranteed.
Experiencing this is what has to be the reality check when we reflect and see when things become struggling.Examining what caused it is crucial to understanding what needs to be done in order to make sure they stop from happening. I know it and yes it isn’t an easy fix, but with some things that have been proven to be put in place, the struggle is less difficult to bounce back from. It also means that I have to attempt to be more proactive when occurrences for relapse are to happen because in this specific instance there was an opportunity to bounce back, yet that didn;t happen out of pure ignorance and unwillingness to see the need to. It means that I have to understand the need to recognize when to remedy the issues when they are able to be repaired and work on them, while giving myself some grace.
Not being proactive in my relapse has robbed me of so many opportunities that I have greatly regretted missing. I am learning that I need to be an adult and do what is necessary and take advantage of the opportunities provided to me because there will come a time in my life that they will not be available to me and a deep regret will be cast upon me that in many instances could be no other fault than my own.