Looking at the creek near my home after sunrise on a late spring morning
Acceptance and Awareness, Adulting, Independence

Adulting: Learning to Consider Others

As I am maturing in life, I am learning that life can’t be all about what I want and that there are others, including those that help me do things that I need to consider their needs and feelings and not be as self-centered on my own personal needs and intentions as that can seem selfish.

Being neurodivergent, our lives can be greatly consumed with what we want or need to focus on keeping our lives intact. However, there are some great things about those that care for us and they sometimes would like to feel good if we returned the favors that they give us by being kind to us. While this may not be able to be the same things that they have done for us because of the challenges we face, it can be the simple gestures in life that make their day because despite what we are going through with our own personal struggles, taking a little bit of time for their concern can pay off in dividends and they will appreciate it if they care about you and value you as a close support or friend.

I have not always been the best one to walk this line of life. I am one who wants what people offer me, but because at times when my mindset can be skewed and I become self-centered I focus more on survival mode because at that point for me it is what is necessary. However, in the process of regaining my normalcy, it can be difficult when others do not understand my ability to keep in contact with them because of my inattention to reach out to them. Sometimes, in the autistic brain we can be considerate, but we may need cues to do things like reach out to contacts because they could need our support and maybe we just may need ours. The same can be said with those family members and other professional supporters. If you are not honest with how you are doing, then you cannot get the support you desire.

Through it all there are times I have gotten into a really dark and deep place and produce a great deal of negative self-talk that I know is mostly untrue. However, I know there are a host of supports that are available in natural, professional, peer and familial that can aid me get through the rough time and bounce back to where I need to be. In hindsight, if I am not realizing that there are actually many people that are more than supportive that actually genuinely and honestly care about my mental well being and can sometimes help me bounce back from adverse moments that I am experiencing. 

What also must be known is that I know that I need to not throw myself a pity party and utilize the necessary coping skills and defense mechanisms necessary to go through life including those that others in real life want me to do. When joining someone else in their activity, not having interest in what someone else is particularly interested in at a certain time is not an excuse for acting out towards them and being all about what I want. Part of doing things with others includes cooperatively doing things that all parties want to do, not being self-centered and only getting my personal benefits out of it, but being supportive of what others want to do as well. It is one of those unwritten rules of being kind that is hard to take in sometimes because it requires patience that can be very difficult to accept when we want things to happen the way we want them to.

As this summer progresses, I personally am going to try my best to make use of all my networks so I can be able to get through the motions that can be difficult at times However, I realize that I need to be supportive of my supports too and consider their needs too as the world is totally not all about me, yet equip myself with the proper boundaries when I know that I cannot manage the circumstances that I am putting myself up against. Cooperation makes it happen!

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