In a change of recent events, my routine of accountability for most of the month of November has been uprooted. In a way it is a true blessing for me to test the waters if I can really hold myself accountable for managing the food I put in my body and being active to some degree. I know I have to hold up and work on being well for multiple reasons. I cannot make excuses for not doing something because it may be uncomfortable or easier to not think about it.
It isn’t like I don’t know what I need to do and I know I can do it. However, it can be easier to dial the local pizza shop because you don’t have to walk to get or carry that much desired soda you really don’t need but really want and will do anything or pay any price to have. Again, I do it because I am lazy, and don’t want to make a mess or put forth any effort in cooking a meal. I realize that at times I do it too much and should do my part to eat healthier and maybe get outside when I have the opportunity, yet I take the easy way out by ordering delivery foods.
I know I will never get off the weight if I don’t put forth the effort of at least giving it the college try. Nothing will happen if I don’t take control of my body by putting good food and exerting energy that is especially needed to be done. There’s many great things I want to do and I have good intentions of doing them, but when the moment approaches the moment sets where it would be easier to not do it.
This is the case in many things that I do. I have good intentions and want to do everything that I know either needs done or wishes to be done. However, that inner voice makes me want to change my mind back to not doing it because I might have to exert some effort in doing that activity. This can be something like cooking a meal, doing the laundry and walking. While I enjoy walking to some degree, getting past some of those barriers that prevent me from wanting to get to the places that I enjoy can be difficult. Once I do it I do OK.
I know this is a list of things I need to do list. One of the things that are more helpful is to not concentrate my walks on food eating or retrieval. As I constantly do this often, it is what is feeding my inner drive and voice to want to go out to only fuel my hunger when there are already items in my home to eat that may be less desirable to consume or require effort to prepare. I always want to take the easy way out because I am lazy.
It is hard to give myself grace sometimes considering everything I have been through in the past three years. I feel guilty making orders for deliveries because I know I don’t need to be eating the food and should be more invested in my cooking. Other people order out too and that is the way I have to look at it. But, when it is continually done on a constant basis that is when I need to be conscious of what I am doing because at that point it is getting to an unhealthy state for me.
The weight certainly didn’t come on overnight, in fact it increased over a very long time. I have spent part of 2021 working to get it off and when I do it, I can do it well. But, without that drive to want to do it or be active, the social consciousness isn’t pointing to the need to be conscious of my body. I have had a backslide and without accountability I know it can get worse as time increases. Yet, not physically seeing the detrimental effects of my weight gain there is no inertia to get me engaged in being active or conscious of what foods I am consuming. I fear many of the things that are of a pre-risk for me, so I know that I need to do it for my health, I just hope I can turn around all the ill effects of my poor food choices or lack of activity before it is too late.