This week in the wellness department has been a challenge for me. Results haven’t proven as well and the drive to keep going was lacking earlier last week, even one day, temptation drove me away from the goal in mind of walking, something I know is a must do in my fight to continue to lose weight in this journey.
It was a morning walk time and as I exited my home it was sprinkling and the ground was wet. It wasn’t a bad rain, but it had just started and it drew the excuses like it always does. My autistic brain becomes hyper focused on what I want to do and feel as what I need at the present moment and doesn’t give me the ability to know to do the work that is needed to be done, especially if it might not be in ideal conditions. I should realize that I need to be aware of the temptation and avert when necessary.
Nonetheless, as I was picked up by my walking companion, my mother, I lamented on the millions of reasons why I couldn’t walk today and that I NEEDED to go to the grocery food. See, there’s a bad sign, food, the upheaval of the work that I would put into burning the calories to eat the food. Anyway, we averted the trailhead and went in the grocery store. I was in my glory because I got out of walking that I went on some sort of spree because I had my SNAP card. I went to my temptation spots and got the sweet drinks I know that aren’t good for me and others know I don’t need. I just didn’t want to hear it. It was 6:30 in the morning and the one thing on my mind was sugaring up for the day to keep my mind content.
Anyway, I paid for my items, only doing $20 in damage and going to my mother’s car. My mother was disappointed to say the least because I had forgone a morning of walking in cool weather to load up on groceries that wasn’t healthy for me. Anyway, she took me home and then I pouted for some time over the disappointment I had caused by her seeing these items that were detrimental to my health. I was unable to see the fact that I needed to be the brave fighter that I can be and go for a walk, even if it was two miles and not be so focused on getting our time over with. It didn’t make anyone happy and it made me continue to brew challenging thoughts through the remainder of the morning that I didn’t want to go to my weekly mental health counseling session because I was in a mood. Through argumentative texts with my therapist I went to my session.
When I got there, we discussed it at length. She stated that I am an adult and I do have the right to make those decisions of buying the foods and product that others that support me by taking me to go shopping may not agree with, However, if I want it, I have the choice to but must not only know the consequence it delivers, but if I want to void an argument, I must get those items by my own means, It made me realize that I could have prevented this argument by not focusing my attack on getting these convenience foods that aren’t helpful at that given moment, but rather wait until I chose to walk to the store on my own. This would have absolved the whole problem.
I have come so far in my weight loss journey that I can be so easy to climb back to where I started., I have been so lucky that in 15 weeks of attending my weight loss support group to lose weight most weeks (my weight didn’t change one week). I continue to lose weight (almost 29 pounds this far) in the past almost four months. I could do a lot worse so I know I am doing the right thing. There are many nights I could order out, however I choose to do the right thing and eat at home, count my calories and watch my intake and of course walk because I know that is the right thin to do because I want to prove to everyone out there that you can lose weight and be successful but it takes both managing what you put in you body and exerting that by moving more via whatever activity works to your ability.