Today is my 38th Birthday. While it is just a number, in some ways it shows its better parts of the fact that I do need to mature more and just do what I need to do in life instead of letting my challenges continue to set me back out of slight fears and flawed thoughts.
This summer has been a part of me that wants to start to make the right choices because I should be and never really was honest about doing the things necessary to maintain my mental health. I feel ashamed in a way because it is not like the I am not equipped with the intellect necessary to continually do the right thing to take care of myself. I know things will get better if I allow myself to make the right choices for myself and do just what I have been asked to do most of my life.
There is this possibility that life can get where I really want it to soar to if I allow myself to learn and grow and be the person that I want to be. Somehow over the past nearly five years, I have never allowed myself to get to that point because I so many times did not want to mature and do what I knew I needed to do. No matter the stern advice or close calls I had with the possibility of losing my independence on the table and even when I was not being honest with myself, I was only setting back further my dreams for bettering myself and not allowing myself to mature more into a person that I needed to be.
In the course of my adult life, I have done some growing and maturing, but not so much in the past few years because I have in some way stunted the ability to do so. In reality, I had many flawed thoughts thinking things that were simply untrue about the way things were in this moment and not allowing them to become reality. In fact they were reality and they did prove themselves within time, but I had a hard time wising up and getting back on the trajectory that I needed to be on to return to where I have left off my wandering journey.
I am finally settled down after years of upheaval of not only the pandemic but other issues of my own and deserve to make things right for a change and start on the path of continuing to improve my independence more and not allowing myself to self-sabotage my journey by backsliding and doing things that I know are detrimental to my mental health. I am 38, so I need to act like I am 38 and not like an immature young punk who has to prove that he thinks knows everything.
I have accepted within the past few weeks that I need to stop doing the silly things in life, man-up and do what is expected of me as an adult, even if it is something that I do not want to do. There are some things that happen in life that are just necessary and as such they are things that just have to be done and for the right reasons, even if at one time my thoughts were deeply flawed about them. In the end, I am a better person when I do the right things and everyone is glad that I am doing the right thing even if the battle is sometimes tough some days than others, in the end it is worth it in the long run.
I have taken a personal vow at the beginning of the summer to make this a better summer for me by doing what is right and I do plan to have my 38th year of life to be the same and not have the same plaguing issues that I have had nearly the past five, because I deserve to be happy and finally have the life I have finally heading in the right direction.
Dustin's Dynasty 