December 14, Reflections Galore

Today, December 14 is a whirlwind of a day for me. First and foremost forty years ago my parents would say the sacred vows of marriage late in the day in a western Maryland Courthouse. I would be concieved five years later and almost 15 years after that would be the breaking point of their marriage that would cause them a brief separation.

My mother worked 12 hour shifts in a glass factory, my dad worked on the local street crew and things wernt all sunshine and rainbows as I had experienced five psychiatric hospitalizations in 9 months, requiring my mother to have FMLA leave as a result of me being in and out of the hospital until I was placed in a RTF at which point my parents had differrences on what my future would entail. My father, nine years older than my mom said that they needed to take care of me after being released while my mother was at her wits end.

I couldnt blame my mother. I was very abusive with my mother in fists of rage for several decades until even earlier this decade. Ive had many close calls with being in police custody, however my dad was always to the rescue and he is of a gruff man sometimes and as I was improving and ready to be reunited with my family, he was having severe issues at his job that forced him to retire early, then he had cancer and was laid up for some time, but my parents reunited their spark in their relationship and reunited back in the house they built.

As time for me continued I would have episodes, mostly with them, however my dad, even though I never showed my gratitude was always to the rescue of me lashing out, oftentimes against my mother because I knew I could, but that doesnt in any way make it right. I owe her a lot of credit for not giving up on me for that.

In retrospect seven years ago on December 14, 2012, I would come home from work to my parents house and see every national TV station showing footage from an elementary school in New England where over twenty six were killed. Later that day, it was discovered that the son of the teacher was the shooter and was on the autism spectrum.

Two days later, my sister shared a article on Facebook entitled “I am Adam Lanza’s Mother – Please Read” where a journalist shared the struggles I experienced some 15 years later. This made a light bulb in me turn on that I needed to share my story and so I did. There are several other mass shooters that are on the spectruum and in reality they just need some guidance, because when I was thinkinng of Adam and the other ones that could have used the guidance that I did some twenty years ago and still today.

Continuing to receive that guidance, that point I graduated community college where I was at the top of my program that year, became part of the honor society and in recent years, moved out on my own, got a drivers license and still have a job while just keeping busy.

In closing, this is my parents 40th wedding anniversary and they for the first time in 32 years dont have to worry about me because I am all right and can take care of myself. I am very grateful for my parents more than anyone will ever know because they have molded me and my sister into great adults and while they may not always agree with our decisions they are always here for us.

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