As stated in previous posts this week, it has been a rough one with experiencing several changes beyond my control and while I have had mostly the grace to hold them, I have learned something else. While I am listening to the advice of others on a continual basis, I am unable to make time for myself sometimes. In a world where being mobile and remote is a thing, I personally forget that I can carve out some time for myself.
This becomes true whenever I become attached to the phone and the constant notifications from others that can be an easy influence, thus leading to social vulnerability. It is a factor in the autistic community that we are prone to being easily influenced by others mostly because we want that sense of belonging. However, when it becomes to the point when it consumes our life and sucks our energy because we cannot do things in our lives that we ourselves enjoy or just be able to relax.
I was so stressed out yesterday and today that others that are close to me could sense that I was going down a similar path that I was going down before. I was not taking time for myself and being easily influenced by what others did. Now I would say I have done some self-discovery in recent years, but at times because one has minimal similar interests and consumes themselves with what they want to hear and know, you keep feeding them more because you know they will appreciate you for doing so.
While they can sense that something isn’t right with your mood or other factor that isn’t in alignment, you want to value that part of the connection. However when you try to delve into it, they don’t want to , you know that you may need to take a step back. I am not saying that all friendships are because of easily influence. If they are genuine and true to you, they will adhere to your advice to your need to take care of what they need to and step back for a bit so you both can regroup in order to not toxify the friendship.
Additionally, as autistics, we want time to ourselves. Maybe we don’t do so good at explaining to neurotypicals or those that need constant attention that it is something that is necessary to be well. In honesty, to go out in to any setting that experiences a host of sensory overload and many other factors that we as autistics struggle with, it is a necessity for us to get into our own space in order to regulate ourselves so we do not experience meltdown or shutdown.
As you may recall from yesterday’s Wellness Wednesday blog, I expressed that I like to go walking with my mother and it helps me process things. This is how I discovered many things about myself. While I did walk 3 miles today, I learned a lot about myself and what I need to work on, somethings that I have ignored to hear and somethings that I need to hear because my mother is one of the best people who can read me well. She has known that I haven’t been myself. While the walking does wonders for pushing out that stress by reducing the adrenaline and cortisol, you can never truly exhale from what is brewing continually in your head until you air it out. My mom, although I many times don’t think what I say at times, which can initially result in some hurtful things that would make strangers run away. As an almost 36-year young man, she along with my father continue to tale a beating time and time again, they keep coming for another round of what I have to dish out at them.
Regardless, 3 miles is a long time and when I finished walking, I got out what was bothering me. Partly the changes among the fact that I need to be a grown man and be able to make some decisions about resolving some of my conflicts. I am truly blessed in life and to let the influence of others drag me down is detrimental to my mental health and doesn’t have me at optimal performance.
This is my revival.