For the longest time I brushed off the fact that I had the ability to do better things for myself. Anxiety can indeed interfere. It stops me from doing things that I knew were offered to me. I also knew they were necessary to make life better. I often held myself back. I regressed because I did not want to do what was right. I did not believe that I had the ability to do better. My brain led me to believe things that were just not true.

We want things to stay the same because they make us feel comfortable. They can also make us feel safe. But we don’t always see that sometimes things can improve. We can be better if we allow ourselves to be open to taking a chance. It’s important to put forth our skills and abilities. We must tackle challenges we think are hard to do. Sometimes it is necessary to do better. We know that we are towing a fine line. We also no longer have the ability to act in the way that we did in the past.

Eventually, a part of me gets tired of being beat down. This happens when I want things to be the way they are. I also grow weary when I think I can get my way by manipulating situations to get what I want. I know these unorthodox actions are wrong. Yet, I sometimes behave inappropriately when I wish things to go my way. A part of me still wants to believe I can get what I want. Yet, I eventually realized that wasn’t possible. To improve, I had to start doing what was right. This was not only for me but to show others that I had the power to do great things.

I always believed that manipulation was the way to get what I wanted. People lived in fear of me because of this belief. I eventually realized those were the times I wasn’t my best self. I was flirting with disaster by making destructive decisions. Eventually, I had to let go of the things I wished should have happened. I believed those things made me feel safe. I had to see that being open and receptive leads to a willingness to do better. This openness provided a much better way of living life. It was better than staying in the old ways, which seemed like a broken record that never stopped repeating.

Sometimes having to do better can come out of necessity. You learn that doing the same thing repeatedly only disappoints you and others. This happens because you don’t get the outcome that you want. You can’t see all of the things you need to about what you are allowing yourself to see. Reaching the point of being open and receptive to doing better can be beneficial. Learning to mature and grow can, in fact, be a good thing.