As I get older in life, I am learning a valuable lesson. Even though I can converse with people, I do not have to be a part of things. I am realizing that conversation does not equal participation. Just because they are there, does not mean I must join in. I have learned that I can be a listener or observer. This role can have the same weight as wanting to be part of the conversation. I engage unless there is a need or invitation to join.

Social construct can be so hard for the autistic person to conceptualize. This can be more challenging for a person like me. I haven’t had any formal training or therapy that explicitly explains the pieces of a conversation. Conversations themselves can be very hard to “read” into. This is especially true if you feel left out. You simply have the need to be wanted and a part of something. I learned through experience that it is perfectly acceptable to be just you and do your own thing sometimes. Nothing bad will happen.

Indeed, navigating the outside world can be complicated. This is especially true when it is not built up to the way that we need it to be. For some, just getting out can be hard. Making the necessary conversation is often daunting because of the fear that something terrible will happen. It took me a lot to get to where I am today socially. The truth is, there was a time when other people thought I was a jerk. I made others feel put off and showed disrespect towards them. Then, I realized that there is value in everyone. I learned how to properly navigate the social landscape.

Yet, there has been times when all I wanted was to feel wanted and heard. This is something that I sometimes had to learn the hard way how that works. Eventually, I learned that not everything is for my consumption. It is perfectly acceptable to be in my own mind. Focusing on what keeps me going is important when it is necessary to do so. I had to learn that it will not be the end of the world if I do not say something. It will also not be the end of the world if I do not be a part of something. In fact, sometimes it is better that I don’t. I just need to get through life in the way that is best for me.

Navigating social construct in life can be difficult. It can feel as though you are not doing enough when in reality you are doing too much. You will eventually come to know finding that perfect balance as something natural. Anxiety can get in the way and throw out roadblocks or make you overreact. Still, there is no wrong way to go about it. Eventually, you will get it and move on with your life.