Sometimes after we grow, we begin to learn. We begin to feel confident about making sound choices and becoming less dependent on relying on others to accept or oblige by our choices. After all, as long as our mentality is stable, we are adults, so we should be able to choose what we want to do without having to rely on the approval of others.
Having that separation into adulthood can be tough. Even more if prior experiences have bad experiences attached to them. But after all they are experiences and we should learn from them, right? Maybe we needed to go through those experiences to see that we shouldn’t return to making those choices. However, some may have their beliefs on what is the best choice for us to do, and we may see it in the same manner as them. Being in my mid-30’s, I know what I have experienced and personally I feel that if I had to seek the advice of others when making a decision, I would approach someone that I feel would give me advice on what direction to take. Sometimes those that are close to us see us at a younger phase in our journey and do not know all that we do in our lives outside of their viewpoint.
Sometimes, when we open our other elements of our lives into the eyes of those who only see other elements, it makes them realize how valuable we are to not only them but others as well. This happened this past week, my mother and I volunteered at an event that I served on the planning committee for. As such, I volunteered her as I needed a ride to the event to volunteer there. It gave her the chance to see some of my colleagues at the county level that are associated with the things I do. It felt so good to me to have those colleagues sing their praises about the work I do. It gave her a glimpse of the work that I do and shows how much I despite at times my frustration of the dynamic that accessing work involves, that when I am able to work in my environment.
So when it comes to making the proper choices in my life that I feel that I should have total freedom in having therefore I feel that they should be honored. Sometimes opening the eyes of an autistic person to things that those in charge of their care may not feel is valuable to them can cause the individual to regress and continue to hide their true selves from who they want to be. While scary to the one caring individual, all you can do is connect them to the proper resources and educate them on the risks associated with the desire they choose to follow.
While following the generational or lifelong pattern just because it is what works may not be necessarily what the autistic individual may prefer, Sometimes, they may not be even asked or be aware of what they are feeling or know totally what is out there because they are shielded from what they are to feel or driven to follow the generational or lifelong pattern. Doing so for an extended time can eventually cause burnout and frustration and then those close to the individual may be wondering why, however those close to the individual cannot fathom the individual having their personal freedoms or them being responsible for themselves in that element.
It also takes an understanding of the autistic individual themselves and thinking how they may understand or comprehend choices that were made for them and may not necessarily be what works for them to get something out of the opportunity provided to them. Not being accepting of an individuals preferences can further make them regress and not be open to what they want to do,
Having these tough conversations between anyone with a challenge and those who are close to them and care for them is never easy, and as a autistic individual who has a close relationship with my parents, I understand and recognize that very much. I value my parents opinion and reaction to the choices that I share with them very deeply, but I too, must understand that I have individual rights and personal freedoms and should feel comfortable making choices that cause essentially no harm to anyone, they are indeed what they are rights and freedoms, and as an adult that is independent, they should be respected just as an neurotypical individual or any other individual regardless of whatever challenge they face.