Spending over three years being an independent autistic man, and now being at the point I can finally say that after a three year rumspringa of sorts of playing almost roulette with my wellness, I can finally say that I am in a good place mentally and can see what putting in the fruits of my labor can do my life and the potential of it going forward.
While I have shared much of what I have experienced in the past three years, it taught me that being well is the ticket of being absolutely who you want to be. You have to come to terms with what you truly want in life. There were more times than not that I was angry with myself because I always saw things from the perspective of my parents. My parents are awesome people and I certainly do not want to discount that, as they can be extremely helpful in a parent-child relationship. I had to finally come to terms with the fact that as they had stated for my adult life, that if I wanted to be treated like an adult, I had to act like an adult.
I, while living with them at the onset of COVID did hit rock bottom and I am ever thankful to them for leading the way in starting to piece the pieces together and help me get back on my feet. I too had to do much of the work. I had to learn to think independently, something that I took too drastically in the past living experience, where I was unwell and commandeered a crazy train that was destined to derail at some point. I am thankful for my parents and what they did to assure that I did not end up in a worse condition that I was and as the world was shut down they got me stable from rock bottom to where I could start over.
When I finally got my own place again, which I give gratitude for each and every morning to have. I started to grasp a sense of reality and in the course of self-discovery of myself and my identities, I had to learn that I had to grasp reality with independence and not let things get out of control as they did in the last one. I can say the surroundings are like night and day. I also had to come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t act like an immature child-like person to get what I want. I had to accept the fact that everything couldn’t happen the way that I wanted it to. It took alot of experience, and even until a few months ago got totally grounded.
Another thing that helped me in defining who I wanted to be was know what I did not have to tolerate or that being an empath had to build the boundaries around me and let in who I wanted and build up the fence or gate around what to let in to what and whom. Setting up those boundaries and having the ability to connect to those who omitted positive energy was one of the most valuable things I did in 2021. Although I did it for the last five weeks, doing so gave me the ability to become grounded and discover further what I wanted in life and what I didn’t want in life. It wasn’t a drastic change, but doing so changed my demeanor significantly.
There is no right or wrong way to discover yourself, and I cannot give a direct answer of how to do it. It took time over the time I have been independent, hit rock bottom and picked up the pieces and let go of the baggage that I have been dragging for so long to realize that I can be who I want to be without being detrimental to those around me because I am not taking care of myself. I have learned the importance of taking care of myself and why some things that have been working for over two decades are still in place. Some things in life you cannot change, however it does not have to stop you from being who you want to be. You are the only one who can determine who you truly want to be. As long as you are safe, well and cared for, then you can do as you want. People can advise you on what they think, but you do not have to fall susceptible and do just as they say just to please them. You do what you know works for you and makes you happy. You do not want to spend your life being miserable, I spent too long in that way of thinking and it made each day a battle. Don’t spend your life being somebody you don’t enjoy being, be the person who you truly want to be because you deserve it!