Sometimes, it can be hard to learn to do what is best. This is especially true when I am battling all the things going on in my life. Temptation to do what is not healthy for me can be strong. In the end, I know that doing what is best for me improves my well-being. It pays off better when things are better. I need to avoid the things that can brew their own sense of negativity for no reason at all.

Ruminative thoughts will come to me often for no reason at all. This happens especially when I see things in ways that are no longer true. Yes, things have changed over time. I am still having challenges in my mind understanding that this is the way it is. I need to let go of what I am continuing to hold on to. If I saw that holding on is unhealthy for me, I would be willing to move on. It would only make things worse for me if I didn’t. I would see that many things are going well for me. I should not sulk in the belief that something can come back and make things better when it never would.

Deep down I know if I do the hard work, the residual terror about the past would go away. Writing this blog is an example of such hard work. But there is part of me that wants to hold on to the blame and negativity of the past. I think that by bringing it up, it is going to solve things. In fact, I know it is only going to make things worse. I hold onto many things from the past that are not healthy. They can bring me down a lot. This makes my existence in this world more challenging. But I always push through. I work on doing the right thing, no matter how hard it is. I know the way things are today. Although different, they are better than what they would be. Even if they were the way I want to think they should be, I would not find satisfaction in that. I have been hurt by the things that have been done for many years.

I have to do what is right for me. I must lift myself off the ground. I need to see that there is so much more to look to. I should not allow petty nonsense that is no longer valid to brew in my mind. The reality is that it is nearly minimized in the environment that it involves. I know that things are good no matter how they are otherwise. I carry on and make the best of them. I am in my place where I know that I am feeling good. I am safe and valued.

As time moves on, I know that I have to do better. I should be more proactive than reactive. Otherwise, I get down and out about things that just don’t make sense anymore. Deep down, I know that autism causes me to think those thoughts. It makes me the way that I am. I have been better at getting out of my own pity party. Yet, there are still times when it can bring me down more than others. Ultimately, it’s up to me to make the best choices. These choices will help me overcome my struggles. I can then be the amazing person I want to be.