It is often said that when good things happen, we can be willing to make a difference in our lives. I have been battling so much over the past seven years. It seems like life can never seem to stop for one reason or another. My parents often show me that we never give up. They have never given up on me. It can be hard at times to see things in a good light. Realizing that we are the catalyst behind making good changes towards making things better can be challenging. But when we do recognize it, we know it.

Life for me the last few years has been a constant battle. It had never seemed like I was winning my battles. I was battling something that many did not know about. So, I was unwilling to see that the battle was carrying on to other parts beyond my own scope. I was not taking care of myself in the ways I needed to. As a result, it was leading to constant battles that seemed endless. They were only endless because I was engaged in pointless and destructive behaviors. These actions made it harder for me to navigate the world. This made things more difficult than necessary.

Until last year, I couldn’t see that I wanted things to get better. I realized I had to make a change for the better. For so many years, I blamed others for the problems in my life. In reality, I was the one causing the issues. I knew I had to do the work. Ultimately, the battle I was fighting had to end once and for all. I had to be more proactive in doing what was needed for things to get better.

Granted nothing is perfect. Still, there was no attention to what needed to be done. Others were suffering. It was nothing but my fault. I saw the small instances when this was happening. I knew why many times. Yet, I was unwilling to see that I was the culprit for how I was. I had to let go of thinking that I had all the power. I needed to stop thinking everything was in my control. I started to be more disciplined by doing what was right. I knew that living independently required taking responsibility. I had to adhere to this to avoid some of the bad things I did not want to happen.

The reality was that I was constantly teetering tottering a line that I did not want to cross. It was a situation where conversations would occur that I did not want to have. Things would happen that I did not want to happen. Yet, time and time again, I returned to the same old behavior. I expected a better outcome, even though the expectations never matched reality. I had to accept the situation. Then, I started to make a change, doing whatever it took to get back on track.

Letting go of the old behaviors once and for all was crucial. Starting to make changes for the better got me in a better place overall. It began to break away the hatred I had for myself. It also reduced the hatred for those I loved and the places I had to navigate in the world. It got better for me. I did what I had known I needed to do all along. The things that were supposed to help me worked in the way they did.