In recent months, I have stuck to a very rigid routine as far as the days that I go to work and day services. It has been helpful to adhere to having those days earmarked for the selected activities. There are times when I may not understand the importance of sticking to my regular activities until it becomes too late and then it is hard to repair the damage.

As an autistic adult, I can be easily overwhelmed when things do not go the way that they are planned to go. If the things that don’t go to run close towards the next day of regularly scheduled activities because of a struggle to transition well into the next activity or get back on track to where I need to be in the weekly routine, it can mess things up even further, especially in instances where there is an extended time away from engaging activities or things that provide well-being or have earnings to them.

There are times when it can be easy to just throw the idea of getting back to what I need to do out of the equation because of having missed some opportunities that I thought I needed to do. But I do not realize that not getting back in the rhythm of the routine that I need to get back into can impede getting back on track even further and make what I am experiencing even worse.

Many times, my anxiety will come into play and make me believe that it is easier to avoid what is needed to be done even if it is challenging to do because it sees being the adult and doing what is essential as something that is unwanted and can cause anger and frustration since I can’t be free to do what I need to do.

My mind often races against the clock, thinking that I do not have time to do the things I need to do by the end of the day. Having my free time impeded with sacrificing time for other needs that are not what I specifically enjoy doing but must be done can be irritating and when a massive amount of time has elapsed, only leaving a limited amount of time to do what is enjoyable, it can be hard to want to end the day in order to get the necessary rest In order to do the necessary situations the following day.

When this happens, I get angry that so much time has passed, and I did not get to do the things that I wanted to do. It can be especially frustrating when I must retire for the evening and end what I want to do that is more enjoyable than what I had experienced throughout the day. My anxiety wants to kick in and do nothing but avoid the next day’s function because I feel like I did not get to do what I wanted to do or that I fell behind at doing what I find more enjoyable than doing where I am normally scheduled to go to.

But what I do not see is while missing what is scheduled to do the things that I may think would be enjoyable at that very moment, I do not see that there will negative effects that will occur in the long-term from not adhering to my regular schedule. By not following my routine, it makes it harder to get back into the routine at the next interval because of the length of time missed from the activity. Isolation becomes my double-edged enemy, making it both something I want but I also know is not healthy and is fueled by my anxiety wanting me to avoid what is needed to be adhered to and has been proven to be helpful, even if I do not see it.

In the end, even if I must count on others to rely on understanding the necessity of adhering to my scheduled routine, it is something that I must begin to understand that not adhering to my normal schedule will only make things worse as it will become necessary to eventually return to that schedule.

In the end, it is important for me as the person that I am to adhere to the routine that has been set for me because it is far better than being isolated and left to my own thoughts spiraling out of control and making the return to my normal schedule more difficult.