Being an autistic person, sometimes life feels strange to me to the point where I cannot understand societal norms and what mainstream society wants me to do can seem repulsive to the point that you just do not seem to fit within the checkboxes that society sets for us.

Life has always been a journey for me. When you couple that with connecting with other humans, it gets even more complicated. It can be hard to understand why I should or even would do what society would expect me to do as it would have decades ago. While I understand that there is no such thing in this world as “normal,” many times there can be a push for me to press into what society expects of us. This can be in forms where it is necessary to connect with other humans in the forms of relationships or other external connections beyond us.

As life and I are progressing, I am beginning to realize that I necessarily do not fall into that mold. There are many times where anxiety overplays my state of thinking and even the thought of connecting of someone period can be very scary that the thought of even wanting to take whatever connection that I have made to the next level comes with a great sense of making a mistake or being rejected, even if I have known the person for some time.

It is learning that I do not fall into many of the norms within subset cultures expect me to be. This can be true for many autistic people as it can be hard to connect in venues that are overpowered with sensitive overtones. There are also many other communities that can only think of unnecessary gratification in a sexual nature, something that I do not completely wish to do or would at all enjoy. Then there is the fact that it an anyone feels exceptionally repulsive to me and would never be something that I would ever enjoy.

This in the past has gotten me to a place where it has taken a toll on my mental health and as a result of it being something that at times has overtaken my state of thinking, especially at the more challenging moments, it is coming to terms with the fact that there are just things that I need to veer away from and learn that there are parts of understanding that there are many things that are still going for me that are socially acceptable and while many people may not understand completely where that lies within, the only fact of the matter is that I am the one that understands that where I lie within is perfectly acceptable and that I do not have to fall within any necessary checkbox other than where I see fit.

It has been within the understanding that some things are not for me, or many other autistic people and the thought does not even pass many of their minds and that is OK. At the end of the day, all that matters is that they find the happiness, comfort and understanding that they desire. Finally, after many years it is understood that it is where I understand where I fall within.