Sometimes in life, whether we like it or not, we need to see the reality in ourselves. The damage that has been done, that we need to repair it and work toward being a better person, even if in that moment we do not see the need to, we must understand that facing reality many times prevents us from having drastic consequences.
It has taken repeating a vicious cycle of behavior for the entirety of my independence and finally seeing the damage that I was continuing to do and not being the example that I was needing to be to the many people that look up to me. Despite what I think are big challenges, in the grand scheme of things, I have overcome so much in my life that some cannot and look to me to see of the accomplishments that I have achieved over the past two decades.
That also comes with the simple fact that I must hold on tightly to what I have earned to secure in my life such as my job and home and not take it for granted. Repeating the vicious cycle only brings the danger of the things that make me independent disappearing due to not taking care of myself. I have promoted mental and physical wellness, yet not living as such only paints a distorted picture of myself that I would not want others to see and hiding it does not help in regard to making things better.
Seeing the list when I want to believe that I am in the cycle brings things to reality and does not allow me to understand the damage that I am creating to myself and others around me because of my disregard to take care of myself. I have lived in this state of denial and an attitude of empowerment for so long. But as a good adversary has told me, “empowerment does not equal entitlement.”
Facing reality means that what those have told me for decades has worked for me, even though I may have seen it as some sort of silencer or punishment from what I think is my true self. The fact of the matter is that what I had thought was reality was, but it was in a way that was unhealthy and unwell and not who I truly am and I was masking so much that at times it made me physically ill just because I liked bits and pieces of something.
It takes time for me to get back into reality and it is a bitter, challenging road for all involved. This can be prevented by not getting out of sorts and doing what is needed in the first place. It is me having a distorted and flawed sense of thinking and not allowing myself to give things a chance and get back into the rhythm I so deserve and allow myself to grow more.
I know that things with my life will never improve if I do not take care of myself and allow things to get back to the way they were years ago. Could I allow myself to turn back time and stop doing the damage that I had been doing for the duration of my independence? I may have asked for help sooner and not allowed things to spiral out of control like they did. But, reality is that things happen the way that they do for a reason and I have to accept them for what they were.
It is knowing that I am willing to work to make a difference only because I do have to face reality and understand that if I were to continue down the negative path, things will only get worse for me and I will be unable to redeem myself from any consequential action. Therefore, it is time to nip it in the bud while I have the opportunity to do so before allowing myself to fall into a worse spot.
It is seeing that reality is that I have to do things that adults do and that I have acquired the capabilities to withstand what can be bothersome for my challenges and that I am truly blessed to have the opportunities that I have and recognizing that more and more makes me more grateful for the life I have.