A Journal Entry

Change and reacting to it.

Me at the Dairy Queen

This picture was taken moments after I found out from someone who likes to always stir the pot about changes coming to how things are going to be happening at my day program.

I’ve matured enough over the years that I know in public is not the place to react negatively and join someone else in their misery.

I maintained good composure until I came home and reacted over the phone to my mother.

And while she can do nothing about nor does she deserve the negative energy that was passed on to me, I like many autistic people ‘use’ my mother as my target when I want to dish something out that I don’t like.

Once she somewhat calmed me down. I continued to do so, but why do I have to act like a spoiled little brat and throw a hissy fit or be down in the dumps when I get told something that I don’t like?

Change is constant and it wasn’t like I didn’t know it wasn’t coming. I’ve seen the writing on the wall, but I want to point out those that have negatively affected me over the years because that’s where my brain goes without seeing the whole picture of the how and why something has to be done.

It’s just that we’re doing things in a way to reflect the times when things were the way they are now as it is efficient to do so. It’s not too much different than what it is but it requires readjusting to things like that again but I know I have to be strong for my peers who look up to me and those that are employed as I can not make it more difficult for them by spewing my frustrations to anger them further.

It is what I need to do to go through the motions and in reality it’s not as bad as it seems if you look at it from the whole picture and how you manage other things. Why would this be any different just because of overpowering anxiety and thoughts alongside past history and trauma.

I have done some growing up, now I need to prove it !

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