As I continue to work on my overall wellness, I am beginning to realize that I am beginning to develop my own sense of assurance and maturity as far as being more comfortable making decisions on my own and not relying as much on the guidance of those I have sought for so long to base my decision for me. I am also realizing that despite the opinions of others, I am the one that has to be satisfied with making that decision.
I have spent the majority of my life basing the decisions of the choices in my life on the guidance of others without basing those choices off of my personal decisions. I believe now having a sounder mind of that of even a few months ago has made me realize that I can make responsible decisions without seeking the advice of others unless I feel it is necessary. Don’t get me wrong, when I need guidance, I still reach out for it as I did last week when deciding whether to attend an after-hours outing with my day program. In that decision, I am glad I did due to the fact that I enjoyed the time I had. Even though it took me time to recover after the combination of both working and attending that event the same day in nearly a 10 hour combined timeframe away from my home, it was much needed to resume some sort of normalcy that has so much been deprived in recent years.
In reality, I have realized that the things I have in place presently have to be the way they are for some time until more independence can be gained. I am working on this and hope to be there someday. In the meantime, I must understand that I must continue to go through the motions and not make any irrational decisions that are based off of irrational thoughts by thinking of them after having proper rest and clear and concise thinking when making my decisions. What also must be based when making decisions on my own is the need to make sure that my mental health needs are properly met and that opportunities for relapse or behaviors that detriment being of an optimal state are not deprived.
Another realization is the fact that I do not have to do everything that my parents want to do. Now this ability must be used within reason due to the simple fact that I still rely on them for support at times and while they are beginning to see my independence blossom, that doesn’t give me the right to completely ignore their invitations to do things when they ask me to join. While they do have their own time being retirees, they ask me to be included because they are looking out for my well being and my need to not remain in the house. During a phone call last weekend, we shared our dislike for the rainy weather that was occurring at the time and the need to not be cooped up within the house continually. I realize that being engaged to some degree is imperative to both my mental and physical health and that needs to be considered when choosing to do activities.
One of the keys to maturing is the lessening your dependence of others for your personal entertainment. I am truly grateful for the opportunities that COVID has provided us by having more things being delivered virtually than in the past. For lacking the ability to presnely transport myself among other things places a barrier in the ability to attend many things and having the ability to attend virtually eases the difficulties in accessing things that I would otherwise not have access to otherwise. However, it doesn’t go without saying that I do need to reach within my own community via the methods I presently can access in order to have the necessary social connection that is much desired.
Life is what you make it. For me, many of the elements within my week are presently necessary for maintaining the level of independence that I desire and as such the two elements are necessary, and deep down inside are all things inside enjoyable. It is how I view them and have the ability to manage my involvement to not let my personal feelings get in the way of what is needed and not to draw away the true person I can be. I must realize that i need to continue to work on being mature and learning to have my own voice and base in the choices I make.