As part of experience, a recent journey of self-discovery and acceptance has made me realize the fact that I can only have the physical and mental capability to only withstand so much. I have begun to accept the fact that at times we cannot do what we intend or want to do and while being independent comes with a sense of responsibility, we must learn to properly balance our lives in order to maintain optimum wellness both mentally and physically.
There are times in life that many on my support team wonder despite all my challenges how I am able to withstand all that is brought forth into my hands. I too sometimes wonder that. I have begun to accept the need to prioritize my needs, distance myself from doing everything that I want to do in life and just accepting that while it is in my heart to want to do everything I am asked to do, I must also learn the need to accept the fact that I cannot do everything that is asked of me. Building those boundaries and accepting that I have to decline something because I need to take care of myself is one of the hardest things to do. However, I have seen others with more needs try to do so much to only relapse and crash and not be able to bounce back, I do not want to get to that point.
Having to distance yourself so that you do not relapse is essential. It can be hard when you want to do things that are not only asked of you but those that jog your brain. But when your body is telling you that you must take a break from the challenging day or week you have experienced, it must be honored. This can mean distancing yourself from things that inflict further triggers that result in more hurt. It is imperative to know how to distance yourself so you can recharge and not let things compromise such opportunities.
When a mind is going with thoughts of things that need done and your body is telling you it needs to rest can be a challenge to accept. Learning to prioritize your needs is essential in doing this. This can mean putting yourself before others and while they may not understand why you are declining something that may sound easy to them, you only have the capacity to tolerate so much. Committing to something and not being of optimum health will only result in a less desirable outcome and it will only be then realized that you should have taken care of yourself before making that commitment to something.
Just as I have had to build boundaries around those who have influenced me negatively, I too at times have to do things that may seem selfish to those who see it as a potential way of harm. They do not understand that having to do something that I am not in my best mindset to do will only make the dynamic that I am in more possible to be compromised by unwanted behaviors because of the inability to keep my composure from being stretched thinner in an already delicate environment.
You are the only one who knows what you can withstand. You cannot blame yourself for defending your right to take care of you and while it can be hard to do so, you will feel so much better when you do so. It is not selfish, it is you being your best so people can see you shine rather than being someone that you do not want to present yourself as. Take care of you.