As autistics, it can be hard many times to go with the flow. In a week that has been anything but the norm in many cases, the energy that it can generate can negatively affect downtime by putting us out of commission for some time, thus giving us a skewed outlook of the big picture of how things really are.
I, being autistic and experiencing many mental health challenges, do not like when things do not go the way that I want them to go. This has happened a lot in my life. Within the course of a certain period, these thoughts can become out of control until the point I cannot block them. At that point, I just don’t want to be an adult and result in my ways of thinking to a spoiled little brat, getting mad that things cannot be the way that I want them to be. It is no fault other than my own as I have been taught the skills for adulting into the things that are unpleasant. But at that point, all I can think of is just giving it all up and “teaching people lessons” by not having me in their presence. I think this will prove to them that I deserve to have what I want, but in reality I am refusing to see the big picture of what needs to be seen.
Part of growing up is realizing that the world is not made to fit our needs and whether or not we agree with the decision that is made in our favor, being childish and expressing ourselves in a childish manner of having your opinion on the matter likely dismissed.
I want to point out that this is not similar to something that cannot be managed due to issues related to being autistic or having a mental health challenge. As many know, there is a difference between experiencing a meltdown and a tantrum. While an excessive amount of changes can result in a meltdown, being aware of the need to have a break when needed to regroup and reframe your thoughts is necessary.
However, keeping in mind the difference of a meltdown occurring when the autistic mind cannot withstand another thing and a temper tantrum occurring when something is considered so petty and could have a good thing happen, but it can be hard to see that these are two distinct things.
What I am focusing on more is when we don’t like something because I can become an adult if I put my mind to it and withstand my displeasure with it. There is very likely no sensory overload or overwhelming collison being involved in regards to my rights, health and safety. They are mostly annoying inconveniences that are intended to have a minimal effect, however, my brain cannot stop from having my sense of my displeasure of having to wise up and deal with the things that in reality have a minimal effect on my routine. Do they cause change and are different? Yes! But the fact of the matter is that i am getting what I need in a safe and reliable manner and is not causing harm to anyone.
While I know I have a host of challenges that I face in life, I cannot let the actions that are classified as annoying that are perceived in my brain as catastrophic get the best of me. Doing so results in me being mentally and physically exhausted where the human battery is quickly depleted. Because someone asks you to do something that you don’t like but in reality is a better thing for you is not a reason to obsessively think about leaving everything you have.
Sometimes I have to be thankful for the things I do have such as a home, job and transportation to that job. While some of those things can bring forth minor annoyances at times, all in all, I can truly be a much valued asset to my job and day program, In a world that is having those being employed reaching their breaking point to where they have to start at square one, I must continue to be thankful for the opportunities that I have presented to me. ‘
While it may not always be about the money that working involves, it is being in harmony with your mental and physical health and being in a working environment that is accepting of your accommodations so that you can be a great asset to your employer. As in a few weeks I will be reaching the milestone of my 12th working anniversary, I must continually remind myself when I want to throw it all away that I consider the consequences of doing so and that I may not have such an opportunity again. I must go with the flow and accept the challenges that are presented as long as I can safely do so and they are within the standards of my rights, health and safety.