The Hardest Part is Getting Started

The last few days have been rough on my part. I’ve been struggling with getting up and getting started. During the week, once I go to the Clubhouse meetings I mostly do OK. It’s just on those days without that routine that I dont do as well.

The first thing I feel is the need to get in the shower – and spend some time in there. This is definitely not my strong suit as sometimes its just a struggle to rinse my hair. However with our commonwealth in the yellow, salons and barbershops are prohibited from being open. It has been since March 9 that I have had a haircut. Although because of me being in the 30s and I feel that some of the psychotropic medications that I have been on for overt the past two decades, this growing has decreased substantially, which is ok in a situation like this. Yesterday was one of the few days in this pandemic that I have actually paid attention to brushing my hair that another member in the virtual meeting recognized that I was taking care of myself. This includes other menial things that I have been lacking in such as that and putting on deodorant. I’ve just been lucky that I’ve been showering regularly.

It’s not that I am a rebel, I certainly enjoy a good warm shower. Just getting there is the hardest part, then getting dressed. Finally the focus ingrains itself to keep busy. After pills are taken and something is done like devotions or reading the Bible or so forth. Then what? Its so simple really, there’s so much I COULD do, I just cant find the motivation. So I begin falling sleepy, and retreat to to bed. I did a big foul today after working on another blog for a bit and that was I fell asleep in bed with the comforter on for over an hour and a half before getting up.

Then had an bear like attitude.

I was blunt and miserable, nasty and not myself both to those at home and those I have been texting with throughout the week through no fault of my own. I have been medicating regularly recently, that isn’t the problem. It is just that feeling like you ruined or wasted the day because all you did was lay around because you were emotionally drained and the day has fallen out of your grasp and you have to recoup what you have left and sometimes that is very little, and I do mean in the span of only a few hours, and its depressing.

So I knew I had to get positive and quickly.

It’s just by plugging your phone in and getting here on the computer and typing something as simple such as this in my blog or looking up or working on something else that flatters me so. Nonetheless I need to be alert and I need feel as if i accomplish something because in the end it will make the rest of the day go better. I know I have to eliminate feeling sorry for myself and I need to focus on what friends and family I have out there that truly care about me and are truly supporting me, Without them, it will be a lonely world out there and I thing the coronavirus brings that to heart.

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