As a person who is autistic and has other challenges, I can only take care of myself as much as I desire to utilize the skills and tools at my disposal. You can have all the skills at your disposal, but if you don’t use them, they have no value and nothing will ever change.
Many times, autistic people primarily go without having the proper or quality services necessary in order to have the skills necessary to cope with the challenges that they face. Whether they are facing the challenges or they pass them on to others, if the behavior is repetitive and never goes away, it can be quite bothersome to not only the autistic person, but those that they are protruding the behavior on as well.
The behavior can be at times repetitive, daunting and tiring,especially to those that are supportive to the autistic person. The behavior can be addressed time and time again and even if the necessary steps are in plain writing to divert from said behavior on a piece of paper when this stated behavior happens, nothing will change unless the autistic person will do their part and actually do what they know they need to do.
Autistic brains are very uniquely wired to the point that it can be hard to change our ways, especially if a behavior is so engrained for years and years that we don’t realize how taxing it is to those that care for us. Even if they extend themselves at times when they deserve it the least, it shows a true testament of their love for the autistic person even if they have the tools to divert from what seems to a autistic person to be a challenging situation.
What is most important though and at times it can be hard on the autistic person is the person that they are seeking sympathy or validation in something that the support knows they have the tools to cope with is developing the “tough love” and building boundaries to not go back and forth with the autistic person causing reactive behavior. This has been a sticking point for me for many years and it sometimes takes that “tough love” for my brain to understand the reality of the situation and that I just need to divert from the state of thinking that I am in to seek validation for the behavior that I am experiencing at that very moment.
In reality, I personally wish that I could get in my brain that I just need to go to list that has been created for me to divert from when my brain gets into those challenging overreacting moments before I lash onto loved ones or treasured supports. In fact are people I know that I would never say certain things to catch their attention because it would bring a undue hardship onto me, yet there are just certain behaviors that I act towards the very close circle as if I am going to get the things I want, but in reality, it only wastes time and makes things more frustrating for not only me, but them as well.
As either an autistic person or one caring for an autistic person, you can lead one to the skills necessary in order to do what is needed when the moment arises to deploy the necessary skills, but if they are just there typed or written on a piece of paper without being utilized, there needs to be another way to redirect one to go to that list. Sadly at times for me, it becomes to the point that those in my close circle have to develop that “tough love” and build boundaries for me to discover that I need to do what I knew all along to do. It can be hard, but sometimes it is necessary in order for the autistic person to understand that they need to utilize the tools in their toolbox so they can not be as dependent continuously on others or keep up with the same behavior again and again.