Throughout life, even though I had challenges that were primarily brought about by cohabitation, my life was pretty well. From being independent almost four and a half years ago until now, I had to learn the hard way that I am responsible for maintaining my own wellness.
This was eventually understood that I needed to be responsible for doing what I needed to do in order to stay well. However, when the opportunity provided for me to divert off course, I went the wrong route, even though I felt good in the beginning, eventually in the end there was nothing that ever came of not doing what I needed to do to be well. Not following my dietary needs also provided fuel to the already enraging fire of being argumentative, hostile, aggressive, moody, anger and resentment.
Others that worked with me noticed me becoming very unwell and were very worried about it and while it was ever some time in recent years before it ever came to that drastic of a point again, my last public meltdown a few weeks ago made me understand the importance of doing the necessary things to be well, even if i find them a battle or a struggle. In the end, things are better for me if I just do what has been proven for decades to work and pass as if I am doing it and actually not only bring a huge disservice to not only me but everyone I must interact with.
It is knowing my limits and knowing when to say when to the things that engulf my feelings when I am unable to handle myself. Sometimes we have to have the worst happen to us to understand that we need to take care of ourselves and that no matter what happened in the past, I cannot change those events. We can only move forward and make the best of the situation at hand and seek the best outcome.
It is also understanding that there is a responsibility in ensuring that I maintain my wellness that it coincides with maintaining my independence. Not doing so only opens the door to become vulnerable to volatility and thus could end up in undergoing a psychiatric hospitalization or even worse, being detained under the criminal system. I had to have a reality check a few weeks ago to understand that we do not get “do overs” when these things happen and that there is no “get out of the hospital or jail card” as there is in Monopoly or other similar games. Therefore, that made me understand the importance of needing to take my medication steadily and routinely.
You can live the life that you want, but it has to come with limits and with the understanding that being independent does not give you a pass to just do as you please, even if you think it doesn’t matter to you. Others have to interact with you and when they see that you are not doing well, they are going to raise flags about your behavior as abnormal, even if you do not have a problem with it. This opens the door for you losing your independence and personal freedoms that you sometimes take for granted, therefore it is best to follow through with the responsibilities that you need to do in order to stay well, even if they may seem unkind or harsh, especially if they have been proven to work for an extended period of time. As an early psychiatrist said, “if it works for you, don’t rock the boat.” I have tried other things over the past two decades and have realized that there are just certain things in life you just have to do, whether you like them or not. It is holding you to the responsibility of staying well.
Dustin's Dynasty 