The things that autistic adults such as myself do when we are faced with the challenges of getting through the tough times has astonished me. It has shown me that no matter what I face, I can get through even the toughest of times, even when I fall rough.
A few weeks ago, I had another major crisis and through many small supports, I was at least able to get home to my safe place. I did reach out to some of my supporters, but they were tied up or unavailable for the majority of the time that I had to process this on my own without regressing back into the crisis or magnifying on what had happened. I was also unaware of what the outcome for the following week would become, but what I had told myself was that no matter what, I would just do what I had to do to get myself back on track.
That meant for some ways adhering to some changes and implementing more changes to address the way my behavior was the way that it was. I knew that when I was in crisis that it brought the monster in me that no one wants to see and that I do not want to get to that level ever again. There were many elements of that crisis that were traumatic, yet they were grateful learning tools that taught me of what needed to be done in order to overcome the challenges that I had faced and not have them happen again.
Thankfully, nowadays we have great modern technological conveniences that are beneficial to making things more down to earth by the great YouTubers and other great content creators that help time pass and can show things. I also implemented some things that I had done in the past to reduce the amount of anxiety and while it was not completely absent by the end of the weekend, it was more manageable and I was able to get completed the tasks that I needed to complete.
While I cannot excuse the way that I acted in the crisis, it was a teaching moment and the fact that I got through the recovery process with minimal support was something that I know I have to commend myself for doing. A few years ago, I didn’t even know if that would be possible, but I know now that I have to do certain things in order to maintain my behavior at a more manageable level, even if they are tough to do. That’s the one thing about being what someone coined the term, “autistic warrior.” It is being fierce, sticking through the tough and being tough when getting through the rough patches.
It was knowing that I was safe and that I had to get myself together because if not, I could be involved with the justice or hospital systems, something that could cause more havoc for me. Inside, I know that I am stronger than I think I am at times, and I knew no matter what happened in the next week, we would just do what we needed to do to get through it. That can be a hard thing to digest for some, even when the possibility of having to uproot your whole life, but I knew that the alternatives were unwavering, so I had to toughen up and do what is needed to be done.
Being told that I processed a crisis with minimal support was something that made me very proud of myself and for one for the fewest times in my life I honestly admitted that I was proud of it rather than brushing it off as I always do, but it has shown me that I can do anything if I put my mind to it and that better things are yet to come.