A Journal Entry

You Can Have It All!

Until now, once I became independent, I felt as if my medication and how I suggested I was told to manage myself was part of others trying to dictate my life.

Recently, I nearly crashed and burned. This is when I started to realize that those that supported me all along were telling me what to do because they care about me!

I was under the firm belief that I couldn’t or wasn’t able to do things that I wanted to do because the medicine would have caused me to be too drained because of its side effects.

I had many beliefs about it. From both ends of its effect, not working enough to help me or working too much.

The fact of the matter is that I never gave it a chance to work. I had a flawed sense about it and would never give the medicine a chance to rebuild my system to have it do what it needed to do to stay well.

It took until I was starting to go towards rock bottom and had to work to process the thoughts on my own to understand that medication is a part of my life and that there are things that I just need to do to be well.

As I am starting to regain my old self back, I am seeing that I can do more and more things that I wanted to do over the past few years, but I thought that the medication was not allowing me to do them.

I can be the independent, autistic adult that I want to be, along with being fully medicated and following the necessary things that I need to do to be well. The latter does not differ my sense of thinking.

I can be the person I want to be while understanding that I cannot change some things that are necessary for me to be well. I can have what I want and be who I want to be.

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