Many times, I disregard the fact that I am a well-liked person and am often seen as an example of someone who faces their challenges. While I do my best, it is important to know that I too am not perfect and have my moments as well.
While it has been over a year since I had a meltdown outside of my safe space, there are times when my brain acts sort of childish in nature because I feel like I am treated wrongly or do not get what I think I want or someone deserves. There are those moments when I act swiftly and agitated in my close circle in an entitled nature as if others should not share in the happiness that I have or that the same experience that one faces can be different than the one I had and that I should have that.
Many times as autistics, we can dwell on the past greatly. We cannot get out of our brain certain factors of our lives and this can be exhausting to those we vent to as they know we need to find peace with what was or the memories that sometimes can seem traumatic. Sometimes, we want to live the experience because of one good thing while disregarding several flaws about it and then turning things about others in a negative manner.
It can take time to learn that we have to move on and that is what others that see me as a role model would want me to do. They would not want me to act out on something that can be so immature and childish or put someone down for their flaws or other factors just because my brain is acting childish. There are times we just have to be the adult in life and manage life’s challenges and be hopeful for others even though our experiences were not the same.
Every person in the world is unique in nature and has their own unique needs and preferences and just because something makes one feel uncomfortable or forces us at times to step out of our comfort zone is just something that is part of being an adult. The reality of the situation must be focused on and in fact it must be understood that sometimes people, just like me, change for the better if we put the work in and do what is needed to repair the flaws in our lives.
Sometimes, we have to take the lessons we learn and put them to practice. Believe it or not, if we do that, it may have a more desirable outcome for all involved and not make situations uncomfortable for both parties. Sometimes being autistic, our brains are delayed and at times it can cause us to immediately revert to the ways where we are improperly heard and can at times mirror a meltdown. This in fact is not that and that will likely be the only way that I will say that.
Yes, I can say that there are instances that the input of environs and thoughts are just too much and therefore,a meltdown occurs. It can be because of past trauma or factors where there are many delicate triggering moments where it may become too much for someone and therefore the feelings build up and they need to be expressed in some way.
But in reality, it should be always remembered that leading by example is being your best self that those look up to you are remembered by what they see about us. In fact, when I had my last meltdown, having people who knew what I had written and looking up to me in that stance, yet being triggered by something and not being able to be in control was not what I wanted them to see and that is not being the true self that I set out to be. Therefore, I felt that I needed to make a change for the better and work at not being something that I didn’t want to be portrayed as.
Regardless, If you are someone that of a role model sense, then you want to continue to work on what is needed in order to live your life as being kind and welcoming to all and be the one who is optimistic that others can have their own opportunities to excel just as you. As such, I learned that because of the opportunities that I have been handed in life when the doubts were there, I need to be accepting and welcoming of the opportunities of others, regardless of what my brain wants me to first think of them, I must be kind and accepting to all.