My brain is often wired to see the bad in my life. There are however many good things in my life and one focal point of being well is seeing that my wellness is better than I think it is often, regardless of wanting to think negatively about things that happen.
Things Happen. I won’t deny that. My barrier is that I am an all-or-nothing person where I think that having even one not-so-great day can cause me to think that my life is really bad. This is where my brain gets in the negative loop of thoughts and if I do not allow myself will only make things more worse than what they already are.
Despite what I think, life is pretty manageable right now. Everything is going well in my life despite my thoughts many times overruling my way of thinking in a negative state. It is a lot of work to think that something could or is always wrong with something I am doing or thinking at any given moment.
It can be hard to accept and realize that there are things that must be done to keep myself well and when those things don’t go the way that I want them to, it can anger me more. The critical factor is understanding and accepting that there is no health without mental health. Without being well mentally, my body cannot function. I know and feel that physically. It can be hard to do things that I want or need to do because my body cannot endure it.
It is recognizing the need of stepping away from the things you cannot handle, building the boundaries and necessary defense mechanisms in order to not cause yourself to become vulnerable or a victim of someone else’s pity, misery, manipulation, using or other tactics. It is knowing when these things happen and protecting yourself from them happening.
It takes not seeing being well in the mind of my younger self but rather as a person who has some complex needs while living independently It takes knowing that I need to keep that independence in order to have a life and that other alternatives to living will only be worse. It is knowing that I need to be well and take care of myself so that others can count on me to be predictable and not volatile. It is taking care of me is what matters and keeps me at my best.
It is knowing that there are things about me that are a part of the package of my diagnosis and conditions and that as much as I think they can go away or change, that is just not going to happen. It takes loving myself for who I am and how my brain needs to work with what it needs to do in order to be well. It is doing things because you know if you don’t you (and possibly others) will pay for it later because of your inattention to caring for your needs first.
It is not a time to be stubborn, macho or the tough guy thinking that you are better than others or you don’t need help. It is being honest about what is bothering you, accepting the whole package about yourself, understanding what you can control and what you cannot. It is knowing that you can’t be your best self or be there for others or the things you love without first caring for you.
It is all of these things and recognizing that they are a part of what it is to be well!