It is hard to believe that I am turning 41 years old today. I know there were many times in the past when I was in danger. There were even times I willingly made destructive decisions. I had no business making those decisions. I am doing well. I feel the best that I have been in some time. I learned the hard way that doing what I need to do is essential. Staying well is crucial for living throughout life.

I have done so much in life. Both good and bad experiences have shaped where I am today. I have had to get real in the past year. I needed to decide what I had to do to meet my life expectations. It was hard to stop being the spoiled little brat that many allowed me to be. I had to understand that people move on for reasons we don’t necessarily know. Sometimes, they bring the right people, things, and necessities needed to start learning, growing, and maturing out of necessity.

I had been a certain way for so long. I needed to learn to believe in myself more. I needed to know I had the power to navigate the world. I had to do this without crying, whining, or having a pity party. I couldn’t blame autism for being that way. I have had decades of mental health services. These services helped me do what I needed to do. They helped me get through those tough situations. The power was within me. I had to want to do what I needed to do. I could not believe that it magically come to me. Nor wait for someone to take my hand and do what I needed to do. I realized that I was not doing the right thing for far too long. I noticed the same results were happening again because I kept going down the same path.

In the last year, I realized I had to change. I needed to get away from flawed thoughts and myths about things. I questioned why I was doing what I was doing. I had believed it was helping me and allowing me to do things I thought I couldn’t do. But, the reality was I was never patient with myself. I never gave myself the chance to do what I thought I couldn’t without actually trying. When I did the right thing, I saw that I have what I want without sacrificing what is necessary. I realized I can still have what I want, too.

As I move on in life, I know that the power is up to me. I can keep the ball rolling in the right direction. I must be the driving force behind doing what I knew was right. I need to sustain the momentum toward something even better. I deserve to be the best person I can be. With the right tools and support in place, I believe I can achieve whatever I set my mind to.