When people think of being autistic, they often think of it as this profound way of thinking we are unable to do things that neurotypicals can do. We can and we often put up a lot to be included and do everything else that we are asked to do, but not every day is perfect, nor can it be.
There are times that if I allow myself to entertain it, I like to throw in the pity party, the towel of how I don’t deserve what I have in life. Even though I have a lot of support and likeness, it can be hard to keep a chin up sometimes when we know we have to face reality in life. I for one like to complain when I have to endure the essential things in life and will often catastrophize about doing them. I know that it is unhealthy for me to do those things because if it becomes a loop, then I will fall into the trap and ultimately not follow the necessary regimens to be well.
One of the things I can often relate as having a bad day can also be related even in the neurotypicals that I know, even professionals in when they are struggling, such as my constant struggle of the “Sunday Night Blues” when I have to work on Mondays, particularly because I have personal commitments and connecting with family each Monday evening, this becomes more complex, particularly when having to go to bed in enough time if I need to wake up the next day for work or another activity.
My brain often plays into flight mode and wants to think of throwing in the towel of everything. This, if I am not careful, starts the catastrophizing process of what I have deemed as The Loop and The Trap of where I lose focus of my wellness regimens and negative consequences occur to the point where I may require extra care the next day, ultimately getting what I want. I know this, just like throwing in the towel is very unhealthy as I need to be respectively engaged and keeping purpose in life in order to be well.
Lately, I have been remembering that these feelings I experience before winding down Sunday night are normal and MANY people experience the “Sunday Night Blues.” MANY people don’t want to work or do things that they have to. But these are typical feelings and I know that doing what I need to do gives me purpose in this life and keeps me well and avoids total isolation that could be consequential on all aspects of my wellness.
As I experience the “Sunday Night Blues, “ I know that it is imperative to keep engaged throughout the evening until it is time to take my medicine and go to bed. While I like to relate to these days as “bad” days, that is not completely true. They are just a part of my life and that it is just one small paragraph in my life and that tomorrow will be a better day if I allow myself to. Additionally, when something goes wrong in the course of the day, I cannot ruminate over the struggle and know that while I need to express my feelings, it is just one small thing in the course of the day and that I need to move forward continuing the day on a positive note.
Minor mishaps like these are very miniscule compared to the days when puberty and uncontrolled behavior was raging in my body and I would lash out, especially at those I loved. My parents, to no fault of their own, only did what they thought was best and restrained me for what could be lengthy periods of time in order for me to calm down. Later this would diminish and the last time it was severe was during the pandemic. My last meltdown was over a year ago and I do not plan in making things that severe again as long as I can help it,
It has been a long journey that is for sure, especially over the last two years of improving myself and taking ownership of my mental health recovery and my actions. All things considered, I have invested greatly in improving my controlling my emotions and reacting to the fact that my behaviors have mostly diminished from what they once were.
Is every day “perfect?” Not every day is perfect. There are really good days, and there are tough or rough days, and some can be bad if you allow it to be. However, it cannot be all about the “bad”, it is about moving on and making it the best day that It can be for you.
Dustin's Dynasty 