Being two years in my current home this week and over four years from moving out of my parents home for the first time has certainly been a rollercoaster ride, that is for sure. It has been quite an experience and for once I seem to be slowing down, but when a minor setback arises, it can be easy to catastrophize it into not being well. Sometimes I need to see the whole scope of how far I have come in my journey, especially the past 2-3 years.
I know I am doing better since my issues three years ago have been brought to my attention, but that doesn’t go without saying that there are times where it can get to some point where I catch myself getting into those behaviors, I recognize them and get back on track. It has taken me being invested in my treatment over the years and putting in the hard work, journaling my thoughts, of which this blog has been a great help to me. From what started as something simple and advanced over the course of the COVID-19 pandemic has made me really invest in not only my mental health but better accepting my autism for what it is and having the necessary accommodations put in place when I need to.
I know that I do not need to be ashamed of what I need to do in order to take care of myself in order to be well. I accept the fact that I am indeed human and that I have needs and that there are things that must be done in life to be well. That included taking all of my medication and having an understanding of why it is important to take them. Autistics are prone to not properly address their medication needs and for decades until I thought something wouldn’t help me, I believed that. It got to me having to understand that it was doing quite the opposite and that it is not doing what I thought I didn’t like.
Being more routine over the past few weeks has taught me just that. It has shown me that what I have believed over the past few years just simply isn’t the fact. What is the fact is that not taking it will not only stop it from happening, but it will make me present other behaviors that are unhealthy for me and do not need to happen for me or anyone as enjoyable as they may be. In the end, I had to accept that I need to take the medication as prescribed in order for it to work the way that I need it to accommodate my needs and live the life that I want to live and not the life that I lived for decades because that was the life of others.
I, as any adult that lives on their own, has the choice to live the life that I want, however it must be a life where I am sensible and well. I can do as I choose, but I must be the one to follow through with the responsibility and take my medicine because that is the adult thing to do because I know that it works and what happens when I do not take it. I have experienced that and never want to get to the point I did like that again. It is what I need to close this chapter in my recovery because I have the tools to the other parts that I manage already by using the strategies that have been taught to me at this point.
It amazes me to take a step back and see how far I have come in the past two or so years since hitting that breaking point and that I am working better overall at my mental health and accepting it and my autism. I am also knowing my limits and taking time to take care of myself when I need to. I am trying my best to eat healthy again, although that isn’t always at the top of my agenda, I do give it the college try whenever the mood strikes. It is my life and I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and things actually come to fruition.