A few weeks ago, I got into a phase. It was something that made life easier but while it is a good invention, it was something that I realized for my physical health isn’t the best choice and while it may be convenient to do because having food of all kinds at your front door, I somehow know that there is a value to eating in an establishment more often than I was.
Recently, I have been home more often than not and as a result, I have become sluggish on my own accord. It is something that I know isn’t good for me and with winter setting in soon I need to take advantage of the remaining nice weather days we have left before I have to start planning to be at home. To think that seeing the vehicular bridge nearing completion with a target date in the next few weeks. It has been seeming to take shape. It seems surreal that when construction was announced that I was making plans like a doomsday prepper to make sure I was caffeinated and filled my basement storage with as much product as I could possibly fit within.
Fortunately because of traffic studies and local advocacy the need to do that was not needed because of the allowance of pedestrians to traverse around the construction site and when the former bridge was removed in mid-summer, a modular span was and a connecting gravel path was constructed for us to get to other parts of the town. When I began to move to this area, one of the things I loved dearly was the ability to walk through town and while many factors have changed over the past few years, the ability to get out is still there. Yet, while having these opportunities over the past few weeks, I remained at home ordering delivery food from fast food eateries that were a 10 minute walk from my home because I couldn’t take the initiative to get down the steps and to the restaurant, Yes, things have changed since then, but the opportunity remains to get out and get fresh air and physically move, something I certainly have been struggling with.
While deeply invested in having continual deliveries on the daily, I saw my weight creep up over the course of several weeks. What I had worked so vehemently to lose in a month, I nearly put it all back on in the course of a month and then some. I selfishly make excuses as to why I put all of that weight and then some on and yes there is some shame to it because I have the tools provided to me to know that I need to move and eat better when I can, yet I became severely disregarded about my need to better take care of myself.
I know how much all realms of health correlate and that while I am miraculously in diabetic emergency is somewhat short of a miracle. Yet, I keep gambling my health when multiple opportunities and suggestions are made, but I get in my “I know better than everyone else” and deny the need to take care of myself.. I know that I want to be healthy and not constantly have to be worried about my size and wanting to fit into somewhat better things. I want the same happiness that others have and while I have a well demeanor I know I can have great potential if I really take the need to take care of myself more seriously. Yes, I can do it in my own way but I have to do a better job than pushing buttons on my phone, opening the apartment door and accepting more food. I know what I need to do for me and not for the convenience of others. No, it will not be perfect, nothing is meant to be perfect, but things can and will improve but I have to put some work into it or it will never happen. We as autistics have a tendency to be unmotivated or fixated and this is something that I need to reverse the role because I know that it can take me better places in the end.
In reality, there is nothing wrong with delivery. The point of it in my life is the understanding that I can not abuse it as much as I once did.