Independence, Reflections

Reflections: Family Invasions

As fall arrives, in the housing complex I live in is usually an overall maintenance inspection of the property and this year was no different. As I traditionally have the past two years, I asked my mother to aid in getting the apartment ready for inspection. As I have improved in my skills since last year, I have also had a better allowance of letting her into my home.

As early as my previous apartment, letting anyone in my home has been a struggle and while it wasn’t ultimately the reason for me vacating my first home and starting fresh, it took to near the two year mark in this living situation to be open to my people visiting me more frequently, if at all. 

There has been a BIG difference from my mom’s visit last year to this year to the fact that my anxiety was not through the roof as it was in the past and I was able to properly conduct myself as an adult and maintain a good dialogue throughout our visit. Based upon the last few visits to my living space have warned walkouts and anger from those that were helping me. Ultimately the motherly instinct would kick in and we would vacate the first home and start over.

In the past two years for the most part I can do what I need to do to get by, however, there are things that come with maintaining a living space that should be done that can use another set of eyes on. My mother doing this is not enabling me but showing, and not doing while advising me what to do to keep my space clean. While I do not prefer to decorate, I know she likes to and therefore I do allow her to be in charge of that when she wants to.

For the longest time because I was ashamed to ask for help. I kept her away from my home for fear of being continually criticized for what I was doing wrong without me seeing that she was just trying to do her part to make it right and help her. It is not a reason to hide away or keep her or anyone from hiding from my home. Because I may need help. It is just working on those skills necessary to maintain cleanliness and order between cleanings and to not let things get out of hand.

Yes, being independent comes with responsibility and when somebody, particularly if they have a disability needs to be aware that skills need to be learned and things should be taught in order for them to thrive in independence. Yes, there can be a sense of pride and unwillingness because someone is telling you to do something, but if it is shown to you so that you can learn and know how to do it so you too can have a sense of pride when doing it and be proud of the space you call home, then it is a win-win situation.

Yes, defining that line where family gets involved can be very thin, but when they offer and you know that they are doing it because they genuinely care and do not want to meddle in your affairs to be nebby, and you honestly can use their help, it has to be up to you as the individual to acknowledge that you either need and want their help or that you feel that you are fine without it, however should you get to the point that you be in a situation where it is needed don’t feel bad about reaching out even if you know a trusted person that isn’t your family, it is best to do what you know is right.

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