Last week, I realized that I was not equipped mentally to endure the challenges that I needed to face within a certain environment. It can be hard to take a step back and take care of myself, but recently, I have accepted needing to do so in order to protect myself and others from myself experiencing adverse actions that could affect everyone in the end.
I am human and mistakes happen when realizing that mistakes happen. I have made a plan of what to do in such circumstances that may seem hard to accept. But, I realized that doing so is in the best interest of not only myself but others as well. While it can be hard to accept, I know that I did everyone a favor by getting some much needed rest and caring for myself at a time where I can be vulnerable to acting in a different manner that may not be socially acceptable.
Accepting the need to take a step back is a BIG step for me. I know that I am not my best and that I should not subject others to my vulnerability to react in a way that is not appropriate. I did know that I would not have access to the support that occurs to be able to bring me bact to reality from reacting adversely. Additionally, there were other situational factors that could trigger this from happening. In reality, not attending services that day worked out because of a planned power outage at work resulted in not only me needing to be there but others were unable to work at their jobs and as such an after hours event that was planned that day has been rescheduled because of the absences and other changes to the situation there.
Sometimes you have to do what is right for you, although it may seem like others are talking about you being selfish. It certainly is not! It is protecting yourself and others from being vulnerable from others actions that may cause you from triggers that may not appear when you are your best. I have a deep history in the environment that I would be entering to know that going into it was not a good idea and taking a day off was for the best, despite what others think. It is part of the plan I have made for when things like this happen and I was only following what I know is best for me. I know that people are quick to judge me for being weak, but when they are a victim of my reacting to them in a negative manner, then they would think that in retrospect that it was for the best in the first place.
Yes, we make mistakes, but I have realized in retrospect myself when I am well versus when I am not well and what happens and the behaviors that I produce when I am not well. I realize when there are situational factors that can cause me to react adversely to simple actions and that day was one of those days when the factors were ripe for that happening. I learned my lesson and that means I must regroup and prevent mistakes of this nature from easily repeating again.
I am smart and know what it takes for me to be an optimally well person. It should be no less when it comes to knowing what is right, even though it may seem juvenile because of the time of day or the reaction doing so may cause because doing what is necessary is at an earlier time than when I think it should be because that is the time I have in my head. In reality, it should be what is required for me to be well and not being stubborn and sticking to the way I want it to be, because doing so will only continue to make me more vulnerable from this action occurring again and starting the path all over again. Sometimes you have to accept things that you don’t want to because it is better for you even if its hard to accept , in the end it is the right thing to do and can prevent it from happening.
But in reality, I do accept that mistakes happen in life and we are human. Accepting the need to take a day off when it is easier to do that then making myself vulnerable to reacting in a negative way is a much more viable solution for everyone involved than doing the normal routine.