Since being in the new environment over a year and a half ago after being absent from the community that I love for several months, I keep putting off in many cases many of the things that I once did for my personal freedom. It continues to be a conversation in the course of my weekly treatment and as things continue to advance, I keep deflecting from the real initiative of just getting out and doing the things that I love.
First, while I don’t think that no one likes to admit it, COVID hasn’t been kind to many of us, including many of the autistic, those with mental health or other challenges. It took us a long time to initially be free completely, then to be reversed to having another resurgence where we had to take safeguards that we previously released from. Additionally, the disregard from some to not properly take care of themselves further inhibits fear from totally being at ease.
Additionally, challenges have arisen from the workforce not being fully up to snuff with pre-COVID levels while the customer base is eager than ever to return to as much as normal as it was pre-shutdown. Furthermore, some businesses are making necessary improvements with added revenue, resulting in further closures and modifications,thus limiting options due to their lack of availability. Worker morale is yet another issue that I have run across where the things I have been accustomed to have lost their quality as a result of higher demand and lower quality of those to prepare said items.
Yet, there are things I know I can easily do and know are beneficial for me to do, however I continue to take the easier route because it is just that, easy and doesn’t require me to push the envelope by doing something I am not used to or makes me feel anxious about. Anxiety plays a huge part in doing new or different things in my life and as a result presents its own challenges that are more burdensome than being autitic alone. Overreacting and catastrophizing constantly play in my brain and it takes a lot of skill to defy the odds and actually do something that I may find challenging for me that is new or different. But, when I do it, I feel so good and proud about myself that I accomplished it and I realize that it isn’t that bad, it is just my body overreacting like it always does.
It can be easy to blame COVID for the way that I am and not want to do anything, but being fully vaccinated and boosted and the limited chances of exposure I could potentially run in to in my travels are very minimal at best, so why am I holding myself back and staying in the comfort zone? It is just the fear and comfort and not wanting to do things that seek the efforts that again, will pay off in dividends.
I am such a smart person, yet I continue to live in this shell of protection because it is easy. I know I need to get out of what is comfortable because it will make me feel comfortable and enjoy life more and less captive to the thoughts that are simply not true. Hopefully I will transition into doing things that I used to enjoy real soon!
Dustin's Dynasty 