As we enter the third month of 2022 with intentions of being healthier as I was a few weeks ago, reluctantly I continue to self-sabotage my work with faults that are unhealthy, yet I want to pass the blame to others as a casualty as to why I fall “off” the wagon. I must learn that I need to take responsibility and accept the choices I make because they are in my court.
This week in my weight loss support group, someone said that it is our choice to put that food item in our mouth and that we have to hold ourselves responsible for the choices we make that don’t get the result we want. Yes, I want to lose weight, but I cannot have everyone else do it for me. I know I have to take the responsibility and put forth some effort at working at losing weight.
There’s those that support me, just as I said yesterday in my effort to be continuous with other parts of my journey that want to be supportive of the need to make sure myself and others that they serve are taking care of themselves and not having issues, as many individuals experiencing challenges similar to mine have been proven to experience. They, like me want to see the results, yet, like me, do not follow through with what is necessary to make the steps necessary to make a change.
When others attempt to make a change, such as those responsible in making sure that the vending machines are stocked choose to fill them with healthy drinks instead of sodas that have been proven to not be the best benefit for us, it can be difficult to accept the fact the option to numb my feelings with something that isn’t healthy that made me feel good is no longer there. However, we do not see the benefits of the choice being made, as many do and want to blame people for making these decisions. As such, I know that doing so was part of a county initiative to become a more healthy county and I even attended some of the walks the taskforce hosted last year, yet I was immediately raged when I couldn’t get access to something that is going to detriment my health.
For too long, I know what needs to be done to work towards losing weight, yet I have wanted others to do all the hard work for me. As intelligent as I am, I know for a fact that no one can do the work for me. So why don’t I want to do it? Some changes are minor in fact that I don’t even realize, such as I am writing this that yesterday I did not have any soda and that it has been several days since I had regular soda. I know I have struggled with this for a long time, but I have been able to go some days without. I know that it is detrimental for me to have it if I want to be serious about losing weight. I am only taking it one day at a time and only going to focus on today, day two, and hopefully by the time this post hits the blog, we are focusing on day three.
Yes, I blame others and I have good intentions, however I think I want to see the grand scheme of things rather than take things small such as day by day. Maybe it isn’t seeing the big picture and realizing that I need to live in the present moment and focus on what is necessary to live now and that is following what I need to do to be well overall, not just in a physical nature.While focusing on taking care of myself is just as important as everything else,I must too remember that all this weight I put on didn’t happen overnight and that it has to be my effort when wanting results. I cannot become discouraged when things do not go the way they want to go and blame everyone and everything as to why I did not reach my goal for the week or come out ahead. The opportunity has presented itself more than once to better my health from a physical standpoint and if I choose not to go that route, then I am the one to blame for my lack of action. Being sedentary also plays a role in how I am feeling overall and when someone offers to take me to go for a walk or something of a nature of getting active and I decline that offer, I know that I am quick to come up with a million excuses as to why I do not want to do it. However, doing so may be the solution to meeting the need to not be as sedentary as I was last weekend, although I know that part of me needed the rest, yet I know I should have taken advantage of the weather and gotten some sort of activity.
I always say that life is what you make it. Alongside being autistic and having a host of mental health challenges, I am morbidly obese and just like working on the mental health challenges, I too need to be responsible for the physical health challenges that I am facing. I want to be around others for a longer time and be an example to those that are alongside me that I can join them in the fight of combating our health problems together.
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