When Things Just Don’t Work

This week has been one of those weeks. What has happened has. I personally experienced when things don’t go our way and how we as autistics have to improvise and make do with the moments and resources we have. We have to “grin and bear” with reality and face what we sometimes find as unpleasant. Especially in a time of pandemic, this can be hard on the autistic person and can pose challenges for them and those that care for them.

Let’s start with Monday, what was a somewhat normal day turned different when I had a water main break outside my apartment complex and we had no water when I came home well into the evening hours. I had to order out (an unexpected expense) and then I didn’t know exactly what to do when the water came back on. Luckily, I had my mom to call to tell me to run each fixture for some time, which I did, except for the kitchen sink which I didn’t know you let to run both the hot/cold sides, this resulted in discolored water as I was running dishwater, bit you live and you learn.

Another thing that happened was that my wireless keyboard and mouse of several years no longer worked yesterday. Before I left for the day, I had done one of those pesky computer restart updates and when I returned home, I couldn’t log in for some reason. Nor the keyboard or mouse was working, so I replaced the batteries to see if that would work, nothing. So, I restarted, again and again, still nothing. I didn’t want to call my mom again with something stupid as this, I didn’t want to have to replace this, although money wasn’t a big deal. However, I knew that I am unproductive and cannot do many things without the computer. I needed to troubleshoot what was wrong. But, part of me didn’t want my mom in my home, because maybe it wasn’t up to her standard as was in recent events that made her mad. Although, she has been coping better, I was still afraid of the outcome of her visit, nonetheless, I know I needed her and she was my only hope. So, I made the call.

She came in a little bit later and had some comments and suggestions besides what help that I could get with her about the computer. I gracefully accepted these ideas and knew already that I needed to work on them beforehand, yet I gracefully accepted them. She wanted to watch my TV while I attempted to troubleshoot my computer with the mouse she brought. I was really hesitant of this because I like things to be of a certain way in my TV and I particularly don’t enjoy her viewing my browsing, although I have nothing to hide. Yet, I like the settings to be the way they are and stay that way, yet she was browsing through I don’t know what. In a way it frustrates me because I want it to be my thing but I know I need to be a good host and extend my hospitality a bit. It is a balance that I need to work on for sure.

Regardless, when it was discovered that the keyboard and mouse didn’t work, I would have to make a trip to the supercenter, which she took me but didn’t go in with me. I went in purchased the mouse for and keyboard. She then returned me home and I was so drained by the whole affair that I finished what work I had to do that was pressing then I went to bed for the evening. Again, I experienced autistic burnout as result of having to spend a day at day program masking, then the computer and my mother, not that she is a bad person, it’s just that it makes me anxious, thus resulting in burnout. Then I had to mask up and go to the store, where people were not following safeguards but I kept my distance. I was just exhausted to find out early this morning that my mom texted me, called me and sent a Facebook Video, yet I was so drained that I didn’t hear any of that, I was just so burnt out. Hopefully we don’t have any more issues like that for some time again.

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