Well I am happy to report that for the majority of time, I am having a positive outlook on life. I contribute it mostly because I am medicating regularly and at the right sequences. It just goes to show what wonders medicine plays in making individuals live successful lives.
For about two years prior to realizing this, I experienced severe manias that others seen completely, yet I was in a vehemently state of denial that I was bettering myself by doing this and in the end I would get better.
I would have all this energy and wouldn’t sleep for days on end. (This is a common symptom of autism that occurs in several persons and can never remedy, regardless for 18 years I had the perfect cocktail to be well and do great things.)
I have also realized that I must take initiative and put forth the effort to get up in the morning, and stay up. This is one of my biggest struggles – staying up once I get up. For many with autism and many mental health conditions, sluggishness is a big side effect of trying to be somewhat “normal” in a world that is not. Regardless, what I was not realizing that I was miserable to those that were in my presence. I was continually asked if I was “OK”. I would answer Yes frequently just to get them out of my business. But, in reality I wanted to still want to be upfront with my supporters about how I am truly feeling. Sometimes in many cases I feel like I will be judged as a bad person and will build up all these negative thoughts in my head that are in no way even a reality.
I realize that I have to take initiative to better myself for not only this chapter but the future and beyond when those close to me are no longer here and it does worry me. I worry about will I be able to be independent or will I be overly medicated and not able to fulfill my destiny, although many of my supporters know I have the potential to do great things as do many Autistics do if they put their mind to it.
Yes I know I can be great when I want to be and if I can take the initiative and try new things and not just retreat to my bed and pout that it just makes me a miserable person. I know I have to take the medicine and I know I have to wake up at the first opportunity I get, or the day will be a horrendous day throughout.