In gaining my skills to regroup for the next chapter in my life, I have made the decision to do a blog series on Adulting. The thirteenth installment is about properly doing the less desired.
So, this week has changed drastically. My father went in for a heart catherization earlier this week and it turns out he had one artery so clogged to the place where the call it the “widowmaker” and we could have lost him. Anyway, they inserted a stent and he spent the night in the hospital. As such, he isn’t able to do things as he did for some time.
My attitude towards them hasn’t been great and I know its been needing improving. I have continually been in a negative demeanor towards them even though I know it makes them angry. Yet, they keep coming back for more. My therapist expressed sincere concern that she is afraid that I am going to end in jail, the hospital or in a care home. I hear the stories, but I never take to heart the message that is delivered to me. I know I need to be nicer to them not just because they are going through a rough time, but because it makes this whole living environment more pleasant.
However sometimes, I just dwell and dwell on how bad I think I have it, when in reality I know I have it pretty darn good and should be grateful. However, I don’t show gratitude and I know I need to do that A LOT more because they have done so much for me and I keep kicking them to the ground and they keep coming back for more and more without question. It’s like my chances are wearing thin and they’re might be a moment that I won’t be able to say sorry for the 50,000th time and instead the emergency services will be involved and I will be removed and they will not want anything to do with me anymore, when they have been looking out for my best care for 35 years.
I show my colors when I am either told something I don’t want to hear about myself or have to do something that I don’t want to do. I just can’t accept the fact that while I don’t want to do it, they wouldn’t ask me to unless they really needed me to do so.
However, I learned something about myself in this process. I need to take care of myself and do more physical activity too.
So, it makes me think of a higher power that I do need to take this helping other seriously and do things for myself and others that I otherwise would throw a hissy fit and not do. I think that it’s a higher power is telling me that I need to shape up and do this “extra stuff” for me before something happens to my self like my heart or other physical affect. I really think this is a wakeup call for what I need to do to not only get myself motivated, but what is one of the missing links in the adulting puzzle.\
I was reading a young man’s post on a Facebook Group this morning about how we act lazy because we do not do things we want to do. That we are unmotivated to do it because we are so hyper focused on our own interests that we don’t want to do something that doesn’t interest us and we would do anything possible to avoid that interaction with the uninteresting item at hand and then act lazy (or in my case act out). But maybe not only in that part but in also my need to be more active is why I am being motivated to do this.
It hasn’t been easy. I’ve made faces, I’ve grunted, I’ve said things, just less of them. But I know I need to ship up or it will be shape out. Any progress is some progress as I see it. I just hope others are willing to see a more positive person all around instead of just out of my home.