This week I want to write to you about something I’ve known for some time, but didn’t put all the pieces together until last night. It’s about being Autistic and being wired differently. Sometimes people think we don’t do something because we’re lazy or don’t care when in reality we don’t put two and two together.
Now when I say wired I don’t mean super caffeinated by instead the way we think. When we perform executive functioning it’s oftentimes not all put into perspective. The first time I realized this was when I was camping with my family and had a soda can in my hand and my dad wanted me to put the can down to help him with something. It didn’t (and sometimes still doesn’t) comes to light that instead of bickering with him that I can’t do it after he tells me to switch gears and I vehemently deny that I can execute the functionality of what is being asked from him. In that instance, a family member had came from behind and removed the soda can from my hand.
In the reality of that situation, I have to being accepting that I can stop what I am doing at the given moment and switch the perpetual gearshift to doing something else at any moment. Sometimes it’s when I am possessive or passionate about something or hyper focused on something. Another instance of this came to function last night. Again with my father. I was ordering dinner online when my father had asked me to collect the trash. Instead of just stopping ordering dinner and getting up and walking away from the computer and performing yet again another task that would only take less than a few minutes, I screamed and demanded that I was busy and in the middle of something when in reality I could’ve just took a few minutes got up and collected the trash, then went back to ordering.
You see, like many instances the wires don’t connect with the fact that you can reprioritize what you’re doing at the moment and execute another task and you can come back to whatever you were doing previously. I can’t see this but other family members can and I want to also. It is often the principal reason of the brattish like behavior where I step back in time 30 years and throw a temper tantrum because I can’t do what I want at any given moment because it’s not convenient.
What I don’t see is the fact is that whatever I leave will more than likely be there whenever I finish the other function at hand and that it is perfectly acceptable to do so and actually should be done in order to satisfy all parties at hand. It would just make life much easier and less argumentative if I just stopped doing what I did and did the less desirable task, which is in many cases times the premise of the conflict and lack of connection. I know I need to work on this more and if I don’t put the skills to use, it won’t go anywhere and I’ll be the same old brattish like childlike figure I’ve been for 35 years. I know I seriously need to change this in order to become a better and mature rounded person.