A Journal Entry: Burnout

To do anything anymore that isn’t “normal” for me causes burnout! Today, I went to the a large farm store, dollar store and the store. The first two places involved a great deal of walking, which this for the second week has become difficult for me because of the pandemic and being home more.

Nonetheless, I know I need to move more in order to be healthy. I have made it a part of my daily routine and if I do so until the end of the month, each day (along with sleep regularly each night), plan to buy a certain local history book that I want as a reward.

Today, at the farm store wasn’t bad as yesterday or the time before at the super center. I did still have pain but in a section of the store I was able to sit on some feed bags in order to catch some energy to garner strength to get out of the store to get out. I even made an extra step to the dollar store next to the farm store to get some solar lights that the farm store didn’t have. After leaving the dollar store, I saw my parents who said they were looking at flowers in the parking lot. I asked for the keys to the car and was granted them Shortly after retreating to the car, the came to the car to say the flowers were dreadful for the price.

Next and last stop is the local grocer. Father chooses not to go in. So we go in. This store, like the dollar store, requires the wearing of a mask. This can be difficult, as I seen that the police were called on an autistic boy this past week out East for him not complying to wear one when him and his mom went in to wait for motor vehicle assistance, after telling store employees that he was unable to wear the mask due to his autism. Luckily, the police were super courteous and gave the boy a calm ride home to the other parent while the mom waited for the assistance.

Anyway, compiling to wear the mask, I head to the hot foods section and get some locally made macaroni and cheese and decide to meet my mother in the deli. There is a deli clerk I haven’t particularly cared for some time now. While she is nice, her demeanor can come off as gruff, but she honestly is trying darnedest and she is pretty knowledgeable about the products at a delicatessen that gets a lot of traffic in a confined space. For years now, I have always shown prejudices towards her because her ability is different from the other deli clerks I meet and the voice can be challenging. I don’t know why I think and mutter those things, but after a few minutes I don’t mean them. I think the crux of the biscuit to that story is that I struggle with getting what I need and getting on my way. To be honest, she has no faults. She has improved since starting, and if she goes over the amount you ask, she’ll make sure you want more than you asked for. Sometimes, you just have to give people a chance. Sometimes, you have to give it more grace and it may not come as fast as you want it, but it will come, just give it a chance.

After experiencing all that, coming home and having dinner, I was just drained from all that activity that I had to lay in bed for a bit and not do nothing for about an hour. Doing one thing outside of the home can be a struggle from not doing it as regular as I have been in three months.

I know things are slowly crawling back to normal. I go back to work tomorrow, while it is nearly the same. My one day has been switched for a day that I had off, and I am at home for three days in the middle of the week, attending virtually for now. Honestly, virtual attendance keeps me busy a lot for the Clubhouse, as I construct their weekly newsletter and still do other things virtually. Besides connecting to all the other services out there such as therapists and doctors both online and in person, I am kept pretty busy. I should note that I walked a little further at outdoors time tonight and am feeling a little better day by day.

Here’s to a better week!

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