It is no lie as I am a middle-aged man that my parents are also aging. For most of my life I have been abusive in some way. In recent years, I have been disrespectful to my mother at times. This happened when she tried to help. She was just doing what was right to help me. I had a hard time seeing that I needed to let go of my personal feelings. I realized I shouldn’t be adversarial towards my mother. Instead of being bothersome, I learned that it would be better to be helpful, supportive and grateful.

Adjusting to new techniques can be difficult. This is especially true with the way things have changed in the past year or so. Nothing can be guaranteed. We can’t be certain that we can do things as we have become used to. We also can’t expect them to be the way that they were. They will improve but I have to be patient. I have done a tremendous amount of work to grow from the situation that has been handed to me. Still, some moments are hard on both of us. For example, I am easily irritated when things don’t go a way that I like.

I need to learn to be flexible. This means doing things that need to be done. It also means being kind and giving my mother a helping hand. In over my four decades of living, my mother has often put the needs of herself and others over mine. Still today because of the barriers that are faced, she still helps in the way that she can. Yet, I easily become irritated when trying to adapt. I want to bend things to accommodate my mother’s needs. She now has to do other things.

I know that things can be a lot worse than what they are. I have been accustomed to having both of my parents there for me for a long time. There were many instances when I did not appreciate their efforts to meet my needs. I overlooked the things that I enjoyed. I now understand that all they ever wanted was to bring some joy into my life. This is akin to many parents raising autistic children. They wanted to do what was best for me throughout my life. Helping me heal from the damage was important to them. Bringing joy into my life through my special interests helped us connect, even when it was not accepted.

As my parents have aged, things have changed. I have had to learn to grow more on my own. There is a part of me that also has to understand that some things are unconventional. Adapting to them can be hard. But being harsh to myself even in the presence of others is not the way to make things right. If it does happen, then I must make an effort to remedy my actions. I need to improve the visit or whatever we are doing. It should be better than how I started it before it even began.

I have always been told that I only have one mother and one father. That has been true for me. Until recently, I never realized that all they ever did was in their best interest to help me. They made life as good as they could to help me thrive in the world. Now, there is a part of me that must start to work harder to reciprocate that feeling.