Over the past five years, I have tried to practice self-care. When I did, there was always something that went wrong that made me have to feel bad. A few months ago, I wanted to practice self-care. Then I discovered that someone involved with me professionally was leaving my life. Nearly a month later, I have accepted that I can take self-care time without the need to feel guilty.

A month since that day that was bad, I again attempted to take time for self-care. Self-care is something that I feel guilty about. I have lived with my parents for over 30 years. This has made me doubt taking time for myself. They believed that being in a routine was best. Sometimes I experience periods of autistic burnout when the world becomes too much for me. During these times, I realize I need a break. I need to manage the world that I must navigate.

I get my parents’ concern about not having time to fulfill myself. But that is further from the truth. I experience periods of autistic burnout that are too much for me. Autistic burnout affects me significantly. I end up sleeping most of the day away. I become frustrated with the amount of time that I waste. The only way to regain myself is by using time effectively. I do this by practicing self-care.

This self-care time has been difficult for me to accept. I feel guilty as I have earlier stated. While my parents have their reasons, I feel weak by giving in to my personal needs. But I know that I will be frustrated. This is because I have limited time for my personal interests. I get anxious about making the decision to take the time that I need. It can be challenging to decide whether it is a need for self-care. Or it is just my anxiety kicking in. Regardless, I eventually realize. It is the best time to do what I need to do to take care of myself.

While the self-care process is happening, it is important to not feel guilty about doing it. I am getting better at not doing it. But it has taken time. I am being patient with myself knowing that I am doing the right thing. It can seem like a sign of weakness to take time for me. But as they say self-care is not selfish and I am starting to see that as time goes on.

Taking time for self-care has gotten better for me. I know I need to be better at using it to manage my autistic burnout effectively. It’s important that life goes hand in hand with self-care. This ensures I am at my best for the world I navigate. Unfortunately, the world is not as affirming as I need it to be.