Over a month ago, I came across a blog of an autistic person’s mother referring how moms of autistic people are often referred to as ‘mom warriors.’ They also stated how autistic people can also be warriors in their own way to navigate a world that is often not made to meet their needs. The more that I thought about that and how at the time I was working to accept my challenges rather than dismiss them, I can see how much it takes to navigate the world that is so difficult at times for those who have challenges, especially invisible disabilities like autism and other co-occurring challenges.

There have been so many things that I have wanted to do this year and likewise have done, but there are times, often due to my pre-cursed negative self-talk that can keep me back from doing what can be rewarding to me without seeing that there is potential if I break through the anxiety barrier and just do what I want to do without constantly worrying what could go wrong, instead realizing what could be good for me in the process.

Granted, I face my battles often about doing many things that can come easy to those who do not experience challenges in doing them. It is often fear or being inpatient that something is going to be as successful if it is. Maybe it will challenge me to be braver than where I am in my comfort zone and take a step towards bettering myself in a way that I need to. Sometimes I cannot see that things are not going to be as bad as I make them out to be due to believing everything that I read or hear that it is going to be as bad as I make it or that I would have to do something exactly as it is said that it needed to be done.

While being autistic does carry its challenges and even further so when you deal with things like anxiety and other natural barriers that you need to cross over because of the inability to do something that is brought on by being autistic and utilizing the things that are a little more challenging. It is being a warrior as in that I often have to fight through those challenging moments when all I want to do is sequester myself to my safest space without allowing myself to see what if what is I want to do or what is expected of me will be successful, although it often is.

But there are times when I want to avoid things because my anxiety wants me to because of fearing the worst possible things happening to me or that I am not capable of withstanding what I have to go through. It can seem hard when I experience something that is unpleasant to me or that those with me will not understand what I am experiencing that they will not be patient with me so I can be able to do things in my own way.

Often too I am doubtful that I can do things because I have regressed greatly over the past few years that it can be hard to get back into the swing of things like being more socially inclusive in the world like I once was. COVID played its part in that too, but likewise having to make my family more of a priority and being with them more over the past year before my father came home has made me regress to degree too.

But I do know that it takes me being a warrior when it comes to navigating the world that is often not met by my needs. I also know that I must do my part by being able to cope with the tools that I need in order to manage the unpleasant things that I may not enjoy. Even though there are good things that I do like to do it also takes me putting myself out there even if I feel uncomfortable when I do it at first, I know that once I ease into a situation that I will eventually feel comfortable and be able to let my warrior guard down.